John 11:33

Well I knew I wasn't going to be going to church today so I wanted to get into John 11 and read it for myself. We are doing a study over the book of John at Frontline! Loving it.

As I was reading John 11 my heart became filled with thankfulness.
In the book of John the people are weeping because Lazarus has died. Mary and Martha are both deeply saddened at the loss of their brother and admit to Jesus they know he would not have died if He would have been there when he was sick.


John 11:33
When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. (NIV)
John 11:33
 When Jesus saw her weeping and saw the other people wailing with her, a deep anger welled up within him, and he was deeply troubled. (NLV)


I was sitting on my back porch thinking over the last few years and thinking about how I wish some things had worked out differently and how some things didn't change and how some things did change. As I sit here and think about all of the times I cried out to God for strength and cried out to God to heal my broken heart, he wept for me. Jesus... the Son of God. He cares so much for me that He himself gets angered at situations in our lives that cause us strife and cause us pain. I take so much comfort in knowing that when I am hurting and sad or angry or someone has done something wrong to me that Jesus is right there by my side angry, upset, hurt, and crying WITH me and FOR me. I think about how the verse says he was deeply troubled. It reminds me of the show intervention where you can see the tiredness and the sadness and worry in the families eyes as they beg their family member and friend to take help. When someone is in a desperate situation or are seriously hurting we always tend to get a little more involved than when we just know they have a bad situation in their life. Everyone has bad situations. But Jesus looks at every single situation in our life that we are struggling with or do not have peace in and he is deeply troubled by our pain. How can God love people so much when we constantly constantly screw up and do crappy things. This is the biggest picture of love that I have gained revelation of in a long time.

You guys, I know I am hypocritical about a lot of things. But Jesus loved the hypocrites too. I just plan on falling more and more in love with my Savior. It would be impossible not to because of hos much love he shows me. How can you not love someone who is constantly there for you and constantly blessing you and looking out for you? Giving you gifts and guidance. Protecting you and giving you hope for your future. I serve the greatest God. The only God. A God who weeps for me.

A New Era!

I am so glad that the Mommy's are beginning to come together! It makes life so much easier when you have other people to lean on and just enjoy the same experiences with! I am so blessed to know all of you and can't wait to meet more of you! That being said:

We all go through good seasons and bad seasons in life. We all experience joy and we all experience heartbreak. I just want to offer some truth to everyone. YOU WILL MAKE IT THROUGH!!!! I have always always wanted to have a family for Elijah. It bothered the crraaaappp out of me and I found myself getting super upset and stressed out about it for a very long time. I kept going back to a relationship and waiting for things to change *similar to chelsea on teen mom, GAG ME!!!* and I was completely miserable. I ignored advice, signs, people, and my own gut because of my feelings. I never would listen to God's wisdom. I always asked Godly women and leaders what they thought of the situation and never got the answer I wanted. I wouldn't listen. Now I am not saying God can't change people because believe me when I say he can do ANYTHING. But a person has to have an open heart and want to change. I wanted to change, and boy oh boy did he change me. He changed my want for a family to a want for a HEALTHY family. He changed my self hate to self VALUE. He changed my broken heart to a WHOLE heart. He changed my bad attitude to an OPTIMISTIC one filled with hope. This was not at all easy. It still isn't easy. It's not easy co-parenting. It's not easy dealing with emotions. Its not easy dealing with a situation that isn't in the form that it was always meant to be in. But I try so hard to not rely on my own self any longer for strength. When I did that I always always failed an ended up even more distraught than before.

I say all of that not only to make myself vulnerable to you all so you can know a part of my story, but so if you have any kind of prayer requests you can message me and I will pray for you. Jesus is the absolute ONLY thing that has brought me through everything I have encountered in the last 3 years.

Examples of Requests:
Marriage
Being a single mom
Friendships
Loneliness
Self- Esteem
Having hope
Money
Legal Issues
Health
Child's Future