I had a friend recently tell me that God was telling her to tell me the word indulge. At the moment I had no idea what it could mean. But the more I keep stepping out and trusting God for the things he has promised me.. the more I am seeing them come through and the more I am able to indulge myself in them!
Growth is never easy and usually not very fun while you are in the middle of it but once you pass certain obstacles it feels so great to know God gave you the power to endure through those times to get to the other side! I cannot imagine my life without my precious baby boy. He has brought light to what could have been a very dark situation and he continues to light it up more each and every day! He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Since he has existed I have grown SO MUCH because I want to be the best mom I can possibly be for him. I am so excited for the season of life I am in right now and i am going to INDULGE myself in it!
-Bethany
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Growth.
It's funny to me when I think about growth and how it comes about in our lives. Really though, it's not much fun to grow. Some parts are entertaining and interesting but for the most part, actual growth can be quite painful.
A wise friend told me that in order for me to grow past my circumstances I needed to embrace all the pain I was feeling. Wow, not exactly what I wanted to hear. Until I started facing the fact that my heart was truly a mess all I was doing was being immobile. I wasn't being effective in any of my relationships with people, or God, or any area of my life. Everything was at a standstill. And while I look back on the last several months and realize just how shattered my heart was, I also realize that if I hadn't taken her advice I would be in a much worse off place.
My heart was this way because I had been letting man fill a spot that was meant to be God's since the beginning of time. When man let me down, I didn't know what to do and I didn't even really realize that was what my problem was. I let myself get into a deep emotional pit and see the condition of my heart and that was scary. There wasn't a whole lot of light left in that pit and nothing is more scary than being in a dark pit.
So on this journey I began to seek God and honestly just cry and cry to him. I told him about all of my emotions and all of my hurts and pains but I also started seeking to know what HE thought of me and HIS plans for my life. As I got in his word I was able to trust and rely on him more and more and honestly began to really let go of a lot of things that needed to be let go of. I still have to work on this every day but I can say that it gets so much easier if you just press through the very beginning. That is the hardest part.
My favorite part of this so far is just realizing how much I need him and really allowing him to be there for me. He never ever EVER fails me and it is such an awesome feeling to know I have a God who is literally ALWAYS perfect and always loving and looking out for me. Honestly, I don't need any man or human for my self worth or security anymore and that is such an amazing thing. I have gotten so much more freedom releasing my emotions and not relying on myself or my own thoughts and ideas to get me through the day. Jesus helps me with every single thing in my life because I allow him to. I love it.
-Bethany
A wise friend told me that in order for me to grow past my circumstances I needed to embrace all the pain I was feeling. Wow, not exactly what I wanted to hear. Until I started facing the fact that my heart was truly a mess all I was doing was being immobile. I wasn't being effective in any of my relationships with people, or God, or any area of my life. Everything was at a standstill. And while I look back on the last several months and realize just how shattered my heart was, I also realize that if I hadn't taken her advice I would be in a much worse off place.
My heart was this way because I had been letting man fill a spot that was meant to be God's since the beginning of time. When man let me down, I didn't know what to do and I didn't even really realize that was what my problem was. I let myself get into a deep emotional pit and see the condition of my heart and that was scary. There wasn't a whole lot of light left in that pit and nothing is more scary than being in a dark pit.
So on this journey I began to seek God and honestly just cry and cry to him. I told him about all of my emotions and all of my hurts and pains but I also started seeking to know what HE thought of me and HIS plans for my life. As I got in his word I was able to trust and rely on him more and more and honestly began to really let go of a lot of things that needed to be let go of. I still have to work on this every day but I can say that it gets so much easier if you just press through the very beginning. That is the hardest part.
My favorite part of this so far is just realizing how much I need him and really allowing him to be there for me. He never ever EVER fails me and it is such an awesome feeling to know I have a God who is literally ALWAYS perfect and always loving and looking out for me. Honestly, I don't need any man or human for my self worth or security anymore and that is such an amazing thing. I have gotten so much more freedom releasing my emotions and not relying on myself or my own thoughts and ideas to get me through the day. Jesus helps me with every single thing in my life because I allow him to. I love it.
-Bethany
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Restoration.
I am writing today full of hope. I have always had hope but in seeking God I have realized I can have hope in a situation even when it looks like it will never ever get better. I have had a lot of ups and downs the past year, mostly downs if we are being honest. Don't get me wrong I have had tremendous blessing (starting & finishing hair school, giving birth to the most precious baby boy, getting a job, making new friends, growing, etc.) but I feel like if I were to really make a collection of the past year the trying times will very far outweigh all of the times I have had good things going on.
There were so many times that I felt so very alone. Abandoned.
I kept on seeking God. I kept on asking for Him. I continually prayed even in my deepest hurting moments that He would restore the things that needed to be restored. I knew it was in His power, but sometimes human will gets in the way of what God can and wants to do in our lives. He has a plan and a purpose for us but if we choose to do the opposite, He isn't going to MAKE us go his way.
I say all of this to say all of those long hard months of patient endurance were completely exhausting, but I am seeing His promises being stepped out before me now. Do I think it is all uphill from here? No, because life doesn't work that way. What I do know is that I have proof that God will come through on every single thing He says if we allow Him. Because even in the darkest place, I can see His light. God restores, so let Him.
-Bethany
There were so many times that I felt so very alone. Abandoned.
I kept on seeking God. I kept on asking for Him. I continually prayed even in my deepest hurting moments that He would restore the things that needed to be restored. I knew it was in His power, but sometimes human will gets in the way of what God can and wants to do in our lives. He has a plan and a purpose for us but if we choose to do the opposite, He isn't going to MAKE us go his way.
I say all of this to say all of those long hard months of patient endurance were completely exhausting, but I am seeing His promises being stepped out before me now. Do I think it is all uphill from here? No, because life doesn't work that way. What I do know is that I have proof that God will come through on every single thing He says if we allow Him. Because even in the darkest place, I can see His light. God restores, so let Him.
-Bethany
Thursday, October 20, 2011
True Love
For once in my life I can honestly say that I have experienced TRUE love.
I have been praying for months now that God would heal my broken heart. I have always heard and known deep down that his love is the only thing that could sustain me but I had always filled that place with other people and things. Being a new mom you really don't have time for yourself, much less other people, so it gets kind of lonely. It is kind of like God wanted me to be alone with myself so I would have to face the facts of how crappy my heart condition was. I was extremely lonely and very sad any time I had to be by myself. I didn't used to be that way.
My point being, I never ever want to put anything in front of God again. The loneliness I felt while I was searching for him was no fun at all and now that I have him I am not willing to do anything to ever sacrifice that ever again.
I wish I could explain to you how my heart feels today but there literally are not words. There are so many words to describe the negative way I felt beforehand but Gods love can't be put in to words it just would not do it justice.
I've received my freedom and my healing, finally.
God was not kidding when he said "knock and the door will be answered. seek me, and you will find me."
-Bethany
I have been praying for months now that God would heal my broken heart. I have always heard and known deep down that his love is the only thing that could sustain me but I had always filled that place with other people and things. Being a new mom you really don't have time for yourself, much less other people, so it gets kind of lonely. It is kind of like God wanted me to be alone with myself so I would have to face the facts of how crappy my heart condition was. I was extremely lonely and very sad any time I had to be by myself. I didn't used to be that way.
My point being, I never ever want to put anything in front of God again. The loneliness I felt while I was searching for him was no fun at all and now that I have him I am not willing to do anything to ever sacrifice that ever again.
I wish I could explain to you how my heart feels today but there literally are not words. There are so many words to describe the negative way I felt beforehand but Gods love can't be put in to words it just would not do it justice.
I've received my freedom and my healing, finally.
God was not kidding when he said "knock and the door will be answered. seek me, and you will find me."
-Bethany
Friday, September 30, 2011
Forgiveness.
This is something that most of us deal with even when we don't realize it. We feel like we have a right to be upset (we usually do) at somebody who has wronged us. But what I'm finding out in my own life is that being mad at someone effects you a whole lot more than it effects them. They aren't the one going through their day re-hashing what was said or done or thinking of what might be said or happen next.
God really spoke his own words out of my mouth in worship one morning and I totally lost composure. He said "help me to love *insert name here*". when those words came flying out I was unsure what to think. How could I possibly love someone who I feel has done so much to me? And how could I continue to show love to someone who continually expressed hatred to me?
This is when god ultimately started working on me about forgiveness.
I can't tell you I have this all figured out but I can tell you that I have started receiving small glimpses of joy returning back into my own life as I am letting go of my hurt feelings. Once I realized that my joy was not held back because of someone else, that it was me controlling it, I decided to stop blaming and to start fighting back. There are times I wake up at night for no reason and start thinking about all the hurtful things and the situations that are yet to come and I have to set my thoughts captive and tell my mind to shut up in Jesus name. When these attacks come I lose sleep, then in turn have a harder time the next day and it really is just a ripple effect.
Forgiveness is less for the person who you are forgiving, and more for you. Until I learn to fully release forgiveness to the people who I feel "owe me" something I will be held back. Thank god for this revelation!!!
God really spoke his own words out of my mouth in worship one morning and I totally lost composure. He said "help me to love *insert name here*". when those words came flying out I was unsure what to think. How could I possibly love someone who I feel has done so much to me? And how could I continue to show love to someone who continually expressed hatred to me?
This is when god ultimately started working on me about forgiveness.
I can't tell you I have this all figured out but I can tell you that I have started receiving small glimpses of joy returning back into my own life as I am letting go of my hurt feelings. Once I realized that my joy was not held back because of someone else, that it was me controlling it, I decided to stop blaming and to start fighting back. There are times I wake up at night for no reason and start thinking about all the hurtful things and the situations that are yet to come and I have to set my thoughts captive and tell my mind to shut up in Jesus name. When these attacks come I lose sleep, then in turn have a harder time the next day and it really is just a ripple effect.
Forgiveness is less for the person who you are forgiving, and more for you. Until I learn to fully release forgiveness to the people who I feel "owe me" something I will be held back. Thank god for this revelation!!!
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Open House
We have been talking about being an "open house life" at church and it really has put a lot of god ideas in my head. When we don't make ourselves vulnerable with people and keep our door closed, essentially we are saying we do not care. I mean let's be honest, we always are the first to say "what's going on in your life?" and the last to say, "here are my problems, can you help me?". Our society has programmed us to be nosey but not let people in our OWN messy lives. Why are we so disclosed? Do we see what we are doing? Honestly, we are all in this life together for a reason. We were created for relationships and relationships were created for us. It is necessary for growth.
Also, why do we go through our day asking questions that we really aren't listening for the answers? "How are you?", "What have you been up to.", "What's been going on lately?". I was listening to Joyce Meyer and God spoke through her to me when she was talking about this very thing. We so often say we want to help people and we want to reach out and show them love, we just don't know how. This is the craziest thing because how many people love to talk about themselves? Every person likes to to some degree, and if you say you don't you're lying! People tell you how to love them when you talk to them, usually the problem is we are not listening. People talk about their passions, their life, their problems, their joys, EVERYTHING. You simply have to listen to what they are saying. If someone says in conversation they LOVE a certain kind of coffee and three days later you hear them saying they are having a rough morning, how huge would it be that you were actually LISTENING to them when they said what kind of coffee brought them joy and you were able to gift them with that. Joyce challenged to keep a notepad of things people say that stick out to you so when the spirit leads you can bless them. This is something I really want to get good at doing!
People, let's get real & vulnerable. Souls are at stake, and that's not a risk I'm willing to take.
-Bethany
Also, why do we go through our day asking questions that we really aren't listening for the answers? "How are you?", "What have you been up to.", "What's been going on lately?". I was listening to Joyce Meyer and God spoke through her to me when she was talking about this very thing. We so often say we want to help people and we want to reach out and show them love, we just don't know how. This is the craziest thing because how many people love to talk about themselves? Every person likes to to some degree, and if you say you don't you're lying! People tell you how to love them when you talk to them, usually the problem is we are not listening. People talk about their passions, their life, their problems, their joys, EVERYTHING. You simply have to listen to what they are saying. If someone says in conversation they LOVE a certain kind of coffee and three days later you hear them saying they are having a rough morning, how huge would it be that you were actually LISTENING to them when they said what kind of coffee brought them joy and you were able to gift them with that. Joyce challenged to keep a notepad of things people say that stick out to you so when the spirit leads you can bless them. This is something I really want to get good at doing!
People, let's get real & vulnerable. Souls are at stake, and that's not a risk I'm willing to take.
-Bethany
Monday, August 1, 2011
Growing Up.
I was driving to the gym today when I realized I really am growing up. This whole season of my life is making me change in so many ways and while it is challenging I know it is shaping me into a better person. 1 year ago I was not making decisions for myself and didn't even know how to. Having a child really makes you realize what is important and it makes you the craziest most protective person in the world. I have said and done things to protect my son and myself in the last 3 months that I never had the guts to before. I am happy to say that I have taken the situation I made for myself and I am honestly learning from it. I am growing up faster than most people my age and while at some times I wish I wasn't.. I realize God is going to use this for something much bigger than me. And besides that, I am learning who I am. I am learning what I do and do not deserve. I don't think it matters so much what your life looks like to others or even to yourself, I think what matters is how you handle it. If you have a crappy attitude, you will always have a crappy life. If you make the most of something, you will learn to be content and truly happy. True joy comes from above, and I am learning to soak in it daily. My situation is not ideal, but I will make the most of it! I will learn, and I will teach my child about it one day. So thankful tonight, and truly feeling blessed. I think people really should learn to be proud of yourself when you accomplish something or learn something.. God has revealed so much to me and honestly I am proud of myself for taking it as the truth it is. Some people do not deserve to be in your life.. and that's that.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Being in limbo
Its really not the place anyone wants to be. Stuck in limbo.
I am at such an inbetween place in life right now. In-between being a free teenager and getting pregnant... Then between being pregnant and being a mom. Not to mention going from high school to hair school and now about to be out in the real world working! Oh and don't forget being in a care free relationship and it turning into planning a family then all of a sudden non-existent! That wasnt a shocker or anything haha. Anyway all of that happened in the past year and while it has been an extremely hard year I am glad THAT year is OVER!!! Yes I am still waiting on the new season to begin but I know it is coming soon, I can just feel it. While there are still hard days I know that God is there to help me through them all and catch any tears that I need to cry. So thankful to have the family that I have who teaches me responsibility and at the same time loves me even when I screw things up. Just remember you can never screw something up so bad that God can't bring you to the other side. Mercy is bigger than you (: please be encouraged! Limbo doesn't last forever... Just wait. You'll see!
I am at such an inbetween place in life right now. In-between being a free teenager and getting pregnant... Then between being pregnant and being a mom. Not to mention going from high school to hair school and now about to be out in the real world working! Oh and don't forget being in a care free relationship and it turning into planning a family then all of a sudden non-existent! That wasnt a shocker or anything haha. Anyway all of that happened in the past year and while it has been an extremely hard year I am glad THAT year is OVER!!! Yes I am still waiting on the new season to begin but I know it is coming soon, I can just feel it. While there are still hard days I know that God is there to help me through them all and catch any tears that I need to cry. So thankful to have the family that I have who teaches me responsibility and at the same time loves me even when I screw things up. Just remember you can never screw something up so bad that God can't bring you to the other side. Mercy is bigger than you (: please be encouraged! Limbo doesn't last forever... Just wait. You'll see!
Monday, July 18, 2011
Vulnerable.
Most people are scared to go there, but I'm not one of those. That place where nothing is hidden. Where your whole heart, mind, and soul are truthful and open. People these days do everything they can to hide what the truly feel. In the process of this we find ourselves lost and confused. We lose ourselves and our identities. God never intended for us to be this way. He wants us to be upfront and honest with Him. He doesn't hold your feelings, emotions, and thoughts against you. He wants to hear your heart. For so long I have kept quiet about things I have went through because of other people, but I won't do it any longer. I won't expose things that weren't meant to be exposed, but I also will not withhold advice to people who are going through so much of what I went through. I realize I am a 19 year old girl who really hasn't lived through a whole lot but I know that what I have lived through is meant to help other people.
For the person who has been or is being verbally abused:
No matter what your abuser told you, you ARE worth something. Yes, you can find another man. Yes, you are a BEAUTIFUL person created exactly how you were meant to. You look exactly like you were supposed to. You are intelligent...brilliant actually! You are NOT stupid and you are NOT those explicit words. You have true value. You are more than sexual pleasure. You are loved deeply and affectionately. Your soul is like a wildflower. You are not the problem, or the solution. Your abuser will not be fixed by you, and you are not responsible for the things they say or do to you. You can be free from this. You were meant to be told how special you are. You were meant to be held on to. First seek after the Lord in all of these things, and then one day you will be so satisfied in Him that you will feel whole again. This wholeness does not come from man, but it comes by the spirit. Your broken heart will be healed, I promise. I am living proof that each day it will get better. You will move on and not only will you move on but you will thrive and prosper. Not only in love but in your job, school, motherhood, friendship, music, writing, dancing, singing, blog writing, cooking, fishing, whatever it is that you do. You will succeed, and you will be amazing. Take the first step towards freedom today. RUN.
For the person who lost someone close to them due to evil on earth:
God did not take them from you. He would never do something that would hurt you, he can't. That murderer was under the influence of Satan, not God. This person is no longer here and it hurts. Be aware of your emotions and feel them. Feel them as hard as you can. Run to God and tell him of your pain and anger. Be verbal and honest. God will not be mad at you for being mad or upset. He wants to hear your heart and make it new again. He can and he WILL make it new again. Our God is bigger than any pain we could ever imagine. CRY your heart out to him. Get vulnerable and real. Tell him how unjust it was for this person to be taken away from you. You should always let him know that you don't agree with what happened and that you need serious help getting past it. Don't forget to tell him how weak it makes you feel to not be able to do a thing about your family hurting the way that they are. He understands the pain you feel when your friend or family member seems as if all they are is a story on the 10:00 news or newspaper. He thinks it's ridiculous that you have to keep a funeral private so reporters don't come. HE UNDERSTANDS YOUR EMOTIONS and he wants to put your heart back together. Do not take this out on God, take it out on who is truly responsible. Is God a murderer, or a giver of life? If your mad, curse Satan and praise God. God is putting his mighty healing hands on you right now, accept his help. Embrace it.
To the single mother:
I recently heard a song by Steven Curtis Chapman called "Do Everything" and it really hit home to me. He talks about picking up toys day after day, picking up socks, sweeping, with a baby on your hips. And we wonder, what does this amount to? He says it matters. We are called to do everything we do for the Glory of God. We were given the responsibility of our children. We are called to love them and raise them to love the Lord and love his people. When your sitting at home and feel lonely or feel worthless remember that you have been entrusted with one of His children! He puts so much value on you that he trusted you with his baby! And you are not alone. There are millions of other single moms around the world who are going through the same things. You may feel as if you will never find love, but you will. That man who truly cares about you more than himself, he is there. In this season just search yourself and search God. Find that security in Him and trust him like he has trusted you with your child. Turn on Joyce Meyer, and get encouraged. Read Proverbs 31 and know what God says about you. Listen to the song "Lead Me" by Sanctus Real and pray for that kind of man for you and your kid(s). You are amazing and you are doing an amazing job! Now get in the word, get in church, get into God and you will be joyful. Remember who made you and what he made you to do. Love will come. Not only for you but also for your kid(s).
Don't be shy if you need someone to talk to. I'm here.
-Bethany
For the person who has been or is being verbally abused:
No matter what your abuser told you, you ARE worth something. Yes, you can find another man. Yes, you are a BEAUTIFUL person created exactly how you were meant to. You look exactly like you were supposed to. You are intelligent...brilliant actually! You are NOT stupid and you are NOT those explicit words. You have true value. You are more than sexual pleasure. You are loved deeply and affectionately. Your soul is like a wildflower. You are not the problem, or the solution. Your abuser will not be fixed by you, and you are not responsible for the things they say or do to you. You can be free from this. You were meant to be told how special you are. You were meant to be held on to. First seek after the Lord in all of these things, and then one day you will be so satisfied in Him that you will feel whole again. This wholeness does not come from man, but it comes by the spirit. Your broken heart will be healed, I promise. I am living proof that each day it will get better. You will move on and not only will you move on but you will thrive and prosper. Not only in love but in your job, school, motherhood, friendship, music, writing, dancing, singing, blog writing, cooking, fishing, whatever it is that you do. You will succeed, and you will be amazing. Take the first step towards freedom today. RUN.
For the person who lost someone close to them due to evil on earth:
God did not take them from you. He would never do something that would hurt you, he can't. That murderer was under the influence of Satan, not God. This person is no longer here and it hurts. Be aware of your emotions and feel them. Feel them as hard as you can. Run to God and tell him of your pain and anger. Be verbal and honest. God will not be mad at you for being mad or upset. He wants to hear your heart and make it new again. He can and he WILL make it new again. Our God is bigger than any pain we could ever imagine. CRY your heart out to him. Get vulnerable and real. Tell him how unjust it was for this person to be taken away from you. You should always let him know that you don't agree with what happened and that you need serious help getting past it. Don't forget to tell him how weak it makes you feel to not be able to do a thing about your family hurting the way that they are. He understands the pain you feel when your friend or family member seems as if all they are is a story on the 10:00 news or newspaper. He thinks it's ridiculous that you have to keep a funeral private so reporters don't come. HE UNDERSTANDS YOUR EMOTIONS and he wants to put your heart back together. Do not take this out on God, take it out on who is truly responsible. Is God a murderer, or a giver of life? If your mad, curse Satan and praise God. God is putting his mighty healing hands on you right now, accept his help. Embrace it.
To the single mother:
I recently heard a song by Steven Curtis Chapman called "Do Everything" and it really hit home to me. He talks about picking up toys day after day, picking up socks, sweeping, with a baby on your hips. And we wonder, what does this amount to? He says it matters. We are called to do everything we do for the Glory of God. We were given the responsibility of our children. We are called to love them and raise them to love the Lord and love his people. When your sitting at home and feel lonely or feel worthless remember that you have been entrusted with one of His children! He puts so much value on you that he trusted you with his baby! And you are not alone. There are millions of other single moms around the world who are going through the same things. You may feel as if you will never find love, but you will. That man who truly cares about you more than himself, he is there. In this season just search yourself and search God. Find that security in Him and trust him like he has trusted you with your child. Turn on Joyce Meyer, and get encouraged. Read Proverbs 31 and know what God says about you. Listen to the song "Lead Me" by Sanctus Real and pray for that kind of man for you and your kid(s). You are amazing and you are doing an amazing job! Now get in the word, get in church, get into God and you will be joyful. Remember who made you and what he made you to do. Love will come. Not only for you but also for your kid(s).
Don't be shy if you need someone to talk to. I'm here.
-Bethany
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Appointed by God
I never would have thought that out of all of this crazy mess I would have found a divine purpose. As I sit and think there is nothing more in me than wanting to help girls prevent being in my situation and to support the ones that already are. God places people around us so that we can build each other up and sooo many times we allow Satan to talk us into doing it alone. We don't have to do it alone to be "strong". Even more so I see a strong person when they are humble enough to ask for advice or help. Don't take your god-appointed relationships for granted, they are there for a reason. Don't be scared to embrace new ones either, you may be missing out on a word from God that he specifically gave that person to tell you.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
We've been deceived.
So as one of the MANY teen mothers out there, I think it's okay for me to write about this subject.
Lately, as you may have noticed, everyone is pregnant and having babies. The more people I see from my high school that are pregnant the more I wonder, what is going on? Honestly. I have thought and thought about this and the only thing I can come up with is we have been deceived.
I guess I should put a DISCLAIMER on this blog because some people might get offended so I will say that I am only speaking for myself.
I feel as though we have been painted a picture of love defined by sex, in more ways than one. Everything is advertised as "sexy", we are meant to be "sexy" and people will love us, in almost every movie and or TV show pre-marital sex is talked about as if it is just no big deal. Now let's get honest, SEX does have meaning, or at least it was meant to. Satan has taken it and perverted it in so many ways that we can hardly even tell what real love is anymore. In this world, sex=love and love=sex.
I am sick and tired of hearing all of the disgusting songs like S&M by Rihanna and well pretty much every song on the radio DEGRADING girls and placing them out there as if all they are worth is what they put out and how little clothes they wear. I want you guys to know (whoever even reads this) that you were created for a DIVINE purpose and your life has meaning. We don't have to dumb ourselves down to that "sexy" appearance for true love, and we do not have to put out. Now I know there are a lot of cases where people have sex just because they want to, I'm not stupid. But I also know there has to be some kind of explanation as to why teen pregnancy has SKY ROCKETED in the last 2 years. My conclusion is that: there are too many absent dads, not enough safe-sex education in schools (because let's be honest, people are still going to have sex), all of the media, press, magazines, TV shows, movies, and influence of people around you. And who is in charge of all this? Satan. Because the younger he can get us to think we are subjected to having sex, the younger he can get us pregnant, and the younger he can get us headed for a life of destruction, along with our babies. Think about it, seriously. Get pregnant at 18 (in my case), unmarried, in school, no job, living at home. What are the chances that my life could get seriously off track, quick? Very high. Luckily I was raised with enough self discipline that I followed through with school during my whole pregnancy and will be graduating soon, and I am so blessed to have the family that helps me. But IT WAS NOT EASY AND STILL IS NOT EASY. It caused a lot of problems in my life and my family and in my own mind as well. But because of all of this Elijah will not grow up with a normal family life, along with a whole bang load of other babies in the world. What Satan means for bad, I will allow God to make good. So with one last statement: SEX DOES NOT EQUAL LOVE. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, Proverbs 31:10-31
Lately, as you may have noticed, everyone is pregnant and having babies. The more people I see from my high school that are pregnant the more I wonder, what is going on? Honestly. I have thought and thought about this and the only thing I can come up with is we have been deceived.
I guess I should put a DISCLAIMER on this blog because some people might get offended so I will say that I am only speaking for myself.
I feel as though we have been painted a picture of love defined by sex, in more ways than one. Everything is advertised as "sexy", we are meant to be "sexy" and people will love us, in almost every movie and or TV show pre-marital sex is talked about as if it is just no big deal. Now let's get honest, SEX does have meaning, or at least it was meant to. Satan has taken it and perverted it in so many ways that we can hardly even tell what real love is anymore. In this world, sex=love and love=sex.
I am sick and tired of hearing all of the disgusting songs like S&M by Rihanna and well pretty much every song on the radio DEGRADING girls and placing them out there as if all they are worth is what they put out and how little clothes they wear. I want you guys to know (whoever even reads this) that you were created for a DIVINE purpose and your life has meaning. We don't have to dumb ourselves down to that "sexy" appearance for true love, and we do not have to put out. Now I know there are a lot of cases where people have sex just because they want to, I'm not stupid. But I also know there has to be some kind of explanation as to why teen pregnancy has SKY ROCKETED in the last 2 years. My conclusion is that: there are too many absent dads, not enough safe-sex education in schools (because let's be honest, people are still going to have sex), all of the media, press, magazines, TV shows, movies, and influence of people around you. And who is in charge of all this? Satan. Because the younger he can get us to think we are subjected to having sex, the younger he can get us pregnant, and the younger he can get us headed for a life of destruction, along with our babies. Think about it, seriously. Get pregnant at 18 (in my case), unmarried, in school, no job, living at home. What are the chances that my life could get seriously off track, quick? Very high. Luckily I was raised with enough self discipline that I followed through with school during my whole pregnancy and will be graduating soon, and I am so blessed to have the family that helps me. But IT WAS NOT EASY AND STILL IS NOT EASY. It caused a lot of problems in my life and my family and in my own mind as well. But because of all of this Elijah will not grow up with a normal family life, along with a whole bang load of other babies in the world. What Satan means for bad, I will allow God to make good. So with one last statement: SEX DOES NOT EQUAL LOVE. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, Proverbs 31:10-31
Sex is currency
She sells cars,
She sells magazines
Addictive bittersweet, clap your hands,
with the hopeless nicotine's
Everyone's a lost romantic,
Since our love became a kissing show
Everyone's a Casanova,
Come and pass me the mistletoe
Everyone's been scared to death of dying here alone
She is easier than love
Is easier than life
It's easier to fake and smile and bribe
It's easier to leave
It's easier to lie
It's harder to face ourselves at night
Feeling alone,
What have we done?
What is the monster we've become?
Where is my soul?
Numb
Sex is industry,
The CEO, of corporate policy
Skin-deep ministry,
Suburban youth, hail your so-called liberty
Every advertising antic,
Our banner waves with a neon glow
War and love become pedantic,
We wage love with a mistletoe
Everyone's been scared to death of dying here alone
She is easier than love
Is easier than life
It's easier to fake and smile and bribe
It's easier to leave
It's easier to lie
It's harder to face ourselves at night
Feeling alone,
What have we done?
What is the monster we've become?
She sells cars,
She sells magazines
Addictive bittersweet, clap your hands,
with the hopeless nicotine's
Everyone's a lost romantic,
Since our love became a kissing show
Everyone's a Casanova,
Come and pass me the mistletoe
Everyone's been scared to death of dying here alone
She is easier than love
Is easier than life
It's easier to fake and smile and bribe
It's easier to leave
It's easier to lie
It's harder to face ourselves at night
Feeling alone,
What have we done?
What is the monster we've become?
Where is my soul?
Numb
Sex is industry,
The CEO, of corporate policy
Skin-deep ministry,
Suburban youth, hail your so-called liberty
Every advertising antic,
Our banner waves with a neon glow
War and love become pedantic,
We wage love with a mistletoe
Everyone's been scared to death of dying here alone
She is easier than love
Is easier than life
It's easier to fake and smile and bribe
It's easier to leave
It's easier to lie
It's harder to face ourselves at night
Feeling alone,
What have we done?
What is the monster we've become?
-Switchfoot
Monday, July 4, 2011
From Crying It Out to Cradle Cap & Excema
WOW! Let me just write about this for all the moms I know that will have sleep problems with their babies!
Elijah was colicky when he was around 3 weeks old and would cry for 3 hours straight at night and everyone told me to switch his formula to soy and see if it helped, well it did. But he had grown accustomed to us walking him around swaying him bouncing him and every other single thing we could think of to soothe and calm him and so he assumed that's what had to be done for him to go to sleep. Even during the day he needed to be held to sleep and once you layed him down 5-15 minutes later he was right back awake and let me mention very unhappy! The night times were getting worse and worse every single night.. and the night that i only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep I was at the end of my rope.
First night of cry it out Elijah cried from 9:45 pm until 11:15 pm. Then he awoke shortly after that and cried from 3 am until 5:45 am (I was trying to wait until 6 but couldn't any longer). When I got him up that morning on 3 hours of sleep myself I thought "Dear God, I Hope This Works." Well miraculously Elijah went back to sleep around 7 after an hour of playtime and slept perfectly fine.. and he napped SO easily all of the rest of the day. I thought great hes going to be up all night now... But I was sooo wrong!
The second night he fussed from 9:20-9:34 pm and woke up at 5:00 and cried until 6:00 when i got him up! Napped great on his own during the day and was muuuuuch happier while he was awake and playing!
LAST NIGHT WAS ALMOST PERFECT!!!
I put him down at 9:20 and he barely fussed at all for a few minutes and slept until 5:45 am (:
IF YOU HAVE SLEEPING PROBLEMS YOU MUST DO THIS! It hurts sooo bad the first night but it feels amazing when your baby accomplishes learning to sleep on his own! I am such a proud mom!
And thank you Mallory Evans, for all your tips!
When it comes to cradle cap & excema:
(some call it cradle CRAP haha) The only thing I have found that works is putting baby oil on Elijah's head first thing when he gets in the bath and washing it out at the end. It moisturizes his scalp and for some reason makes the flakes come right off! For the most part he is cradle cap crust free now! (: His excema cleared up a whole lot once I put mittens on his hands so he couldn't irritate it even more and put vaseline on it all throughout the day.. I think the mittens helped the most. We also started washing off his face without any soap, and used lukewarm water in this bath at night. He has aveeno baby wash with oatmeal in it and has a special aveeno excema lotion that we started using!
-Bethany
Elijah was colicky when he was around 3 weeks old and would cry for 3 hours straight at night and everyone told me to switch his formula to soy and see if it helped, well it did. But he had grown accustomed to us walking him around swaying him bouncing him and every other single thing we could think of to soothe and calm him and so he assumed that's what had to be done for him to go to sleep. Even during the day he needed to be held to sleep and once you layed him down 5-15 minutes later he was right back awake and let me mention very unhappy! The night times were getting worse and worse every single night.. and the night that i only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep I was at the end of my rope.
First night of cry it out Elijah cried from 9:45 pm until 11:15 pm. Then he awoke shortly after that and cried from 3 am until 5:45 am (I was trying to wait until 6 but couldn't any longer). When I got him up that morning on 3 hours of sleep myself I thought "Dear God, I Hope This Works." Well miraculously Elijah went back to sleep around 7 after an hour of playtime and slept perfectly fine.. and he napped SO easily all of the rest of the day. I thought great hes going to be up all night now... But I was sooo wrong!
The second night he fussed from 9:20-9:34 pm and woke up at 5:00 and cried until 6:00 when i got him up! Napped great on his own during the day and was muuuuuch happier while he was awake and playing!
LAST NIGHT WAS ALMOST PERFECT!!!
I put him down at 9:20 and he barely fussed at all for a few minutes and slept until 5:45 am (:
IF YOU HAVE SLEEPING PROBLEMS YOU MUST DO THIS! It hurts sooo bad the first night but it feels amazing when your baby accomplishes learning to sleep on his own! I am such a proud mom!
And thank you Mallory Evans, for all your tips!
When it comes to cradle cap & excema:
(some call it cradle CRAP haha) The only thing I have found that works is putting baby oil on Elijah's head first thing when he gets in the bath and washing it out at the end. It moisturizes his scalp and for some reason makes the flakes come right off! For the most part he is cradle cap crust free now! (: His excema cleared up a whole lot once I put mittens on his hands so he couldn't irritate it even more and put vaseline on it all throughout the day.. I think the mittens helped the most. We also started washing off his face without any soap, and used lukewarm water in this bath at night. He has aveeno baby wash with oatmeal in it and has a special aveeno excema lotion that we started using!
-Bethany
Monday, June 27, 2011
It's Been Too Long
So I realize I haven't written on here in a long time but things have just been super crazy. In case you haven't realized I had Elijah on May 3, 2011 at 12:20 pm. He weighed 7 lbs and 13 oz and was 20 inches long.
My Labor & Delivery:
So I went to the doctor on May 2 and was expecting to be told my induction date was for later that week. The doctor came in and checked me and informed me that I would be going to labor & delivery that night to start cervidil (medicine that ripens your cervix) and would be induced early the next morning. The thought running through my head was "Oh. My. Gosh." She told me she would call me later that afternoon and tell me what time to check in the hospital. I get a call around noon and she says to check in at 4:00! "What the heck! That's 4 hours from now." Obviously, I was freaking out. So I packed my bags and took one last nap as a pregnant teenager.
On the way to the hospital I was a nervous wreck. Who expects that before your 19th birthday you would be on your way to have a baby, unmarried. What is this going to be like? Labor? And how long is it going to last? What do contractions (real ones) feel like? What will he look like? Will everything go smoothly? Not to mention all of the questions that run through your head that have to do with being a single mom. This was honestly the most nervous and vulnerable time of my life.
They started my medicine around 6:00 and by 7:00 I knew what real contractions felt like. NOT FUN. They weren't labor contractions, it was just the cervidil working it's magic. They gave me pain killers and sleeping pills throughout the night because of how much they hurt and so I could get rest before the long day ahead of me. By 6:00 am I was ready to go.
They gave me my pitocin and my epidural at the same time, thank God. I just remember them telling me it would probably 4:00 or 5:00 before Elijah would be here and by 9:00 am I was already ready to push. There really isn't much to say about the whole pushing thing.. it's exactly that. Pushing and pushing hard. By 12:20 pm I had conquered what I was so stinking scared about and had the most precious gift I had ever received in my arms. 6 hour labor... not too shabby, PRAISE THE LORD!
My Labor & Delivery:
So I went to the doctor on May 2 and was expecting to be told my induction date was for later that week. The doctor came in and checked me and informed me that I would be going to labor & delivery that night to start cervidil (medicine that ripens your cervix) and would be induced early the next morning. The thought running through my head was "Oh. My. Gosh." She told me she would call me later that afternoon and tell me what time to check in the hospital. I get a call around noon and she says to check in at 4:00! "What the heck! That's 4 hours from now." Obviously, I was freaking out. So I packed my bags and took one last nap as a pregnant teenager.
On the way to the hospital I was a nervous wreck. Who expects that before your 19th birthday you would be on your way to have a baby, unmarried. What is this going to be like? Labor? And how long is it going to last? What do contractions (real ones) feel like? What will he look like? Will everything go smoothly? Not to mention all of the questions that run through your head that have to do with being a single mom. This was honestly the most nervous and vulnerable time of my life.
They started my medicine around 6:00 and by 7:00 I knew what real contractions felt like. NOT FUN. They weren't labor contractions, it was just the cervidil working it's magic. They gave me pain killers and sleeping pills throughout the night because of how much they hurt and so I could get rest before the long day ahead of me. By 6:00 am I was ready to go.
They gave me my pitocin and my epidural at the same time, thank God. I just remember them telling me it would probably 4:00 or 5:00 before Elijah would be here and by 9:00 am I was already ready to push. There really isn't much to say about the whole pushing thing.. it's exactly that. Pushing and pushing hard. By 12:20 pm I had conquered what I was so stinking scared about and had the most precious gift I had ever received in my arms. 6 hour labor... not too shabby, PRAISE THE LORD!
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Chapter 2: Other People
What nobody ever tells you about being pregnant and other people knowing is:
1. People who never talked to you a day in your life will begin talking to you.
I can't even tell you how many people have started a friendship with me (or tried to) since they found out Jeremy and I were going to have a baby together. Some days this is frustrating and kind of a nuisance. I refuse to be some story for people to tell. I know that a lot of people in the world will just get involved for a short amount of time because they want to be "in the know" and talk to people about the situation. And some people find that it's a lot harder to relate to me now that I'm pregnant... this takes us to number 2
2. It becomes harder to keep friendships with people who haven't been in your place.
I still love all of my friends so so much and I would never want to make them feel neglected (if I have I am truly sorry) but it is so difficult to maintain the friendships simply because they do not understand. This is nothing against them or anything that is their fault and I always put that in the front of my mind. It's just that nobody understands the pressure, the stress, the hormones, the planning, the love, the frustration, the joy, the pain, the tiredness, the sickness, the thoughts, or anything else that you experience while your a pregnant teenager unless they have experienced it themselves. This takes us to number 3...
3. You find yourself relating to people with children more.
I have found that some of the random people I never talked to before have a lot of advice and know a lot about where I'm coming from. These are some of the people I will probably be keeping in contact with (when there is free time) because it is really important to have some support from people who know what it is like while you are going through it. If I didn't have these people to call on when I am having a major meltdown who can calm me down and explain things to me in a way that puts it all in perspective, I would be in a straight jacket. Speaking of straight jackets the other thing that makes me go nuts is, well... number 4
4. People will touch you, a lot.
Some people I really don't mind touching my tummy but I have a few thoughts on this. Pregnancy is not all glamour and glitz, there are some days you don't even want people to look at you much less TOUCH you. Therefore it is always best to ask permission to rub all up on someones baby bump. Also, if you barely know the person you probably shouldn't even ask. And if your a guy (there probably aren't any even reading this) don't touch please, it's kind of creepy. Unless your family. (:
Catch you guys next time
-Bethany
1. People who never talked to you a day in your life will begin talking to you.
I can't even tell you how many people have started a friendship with me (or tried to) since they found out Jeremy and I were going to have a baby together. Some days this is frustrating and kind of a nuisance. I refuse to be some story for people to tell. I know that a lot of people in the world will just get involved for a short amount of time because they want to be "in the know" and talk to people about the situation. And some people find that it's a lot harder to relate to me now that I'm pregnant... this takes us to number 2
2. It becomes harder to keep friendships with people who haven't been in your place.
I still love all of my friends so so much and I would never want to make them feel neglected (if I have I am truly sorry) but it is so difficult to maintain the friendships simply because they do not understand. This is nothing against them or anything that is their fault and I always put that in the front of my mind. It's just that nobody understands the pressure, the stress, the hormones, the planning, the love, the frustration, the joy, the pain, the tiredness, the sickness, the thoughts, or anything else that you experience while your a pregnant teenager unless they have experienced it themselves. This takes us to number 3...
3. You find yourself relating to people with children more.
I have found that some of the random people I never talked to before have a lot of advice and know a lot about where I'm coming from. These are some of the people I will probably be keeping in contact with (when there is free time) because it is really important to have some support from people who know what it is like while you are going through it. If I didn't have these people to call on when I am having a major meltdown who can calm me down and explain things to me in a way that puts it all in perspective, I would be in a straight jacket. Speaking of straight jackets the other thing that makes me go nuts is, well... number 4
4. People will touch you, a lot.
Some people I really don't mind touching my tummy but I have a few thoughts on this. Pregnancy is not all glamour and glitz, there are some days you don't even want people to look at you much less TOUCH you. Therefore it is always best to ask permission to rub all up on someones baby bump. Also, if you barely know the person you probably shouldn't even ask. And if your a guy (there probably aren't any even reading this) don't touch please, it's kind of creepy. Unless your family. (:
Catch you guys next time
-Bethany
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Chapter 1
Today is New Years Day, January 1, 2011. I felt like starting a new blog because this next year is starting so many new things for me. Jeremy and I are going to meet our handsome little boy, Elijah Jordan, in May and we are so excited! On July 13th, 2011 Jeremy and I will have been together for 2 years; and they have flown by! Sometime this summer (depending on my hours and maternity leave) I will be graduating from The Academy of Hair Design, passing my State Board tests to get my cosmetology license, and getting a job. There are just so many new and exciting things coming up and I want to be able to write them all down, even if I am the only one who ever looks back at this.
Today I am 22 weeks pregnant and getting more and more excited to meet our precious Elijah, but what nobody tells you is how scared they truly are. This week we moved my stuff out of the room I have lived in since I can even remember being alive into our game room. For most people this may not seem like it's a big deal but I have hormones raging through my body at the speed of light and now all of a sudden there is a baby crib right next to my bed. To say the least, I was feeling a little overwhelmed. I mean honestly, nobody really pictures themselves having a baby when they are not married at 18 years old when they still live with their parents. If I were to tell you I am 100% at peace with my situation I would totally be lying. I am scared, excited, nervous, anxious, happy, and joyful and don't even tell me that feeling all those emotions and more wouldn't overwhelm you. In just around 5 months, I will be a mother and Jeremy will be a father. I am just so thankful to have people that I can call on to reassure me that everything is going to be fine and that I will be a good mother. And more importantly I am so blessed to have a God that tells me "The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace." Psalm 29:11
And you know what else nobody ever tells you? How much your body freaking changes when you are pregnant. I won't go into anything graphic to spare you but honestly... your body doesn't even feel like your own anymore. And when you feel that first movement.. the flip that feels like a fish is flopping in your belly... it gets even stranger! For me it brought on acne like I have never even had in my life along with emotions that literally make you feel like you are going insane. Although, I think all the "weird cravings" people get is a bunch of bull. I have not once craved pickles and ice cream or any other odd variety of things. But the worst part of it all was the morning sickness that lasted for a lot longer than in the morning. It was there when I woke up, all day while I was at school, and up until I fell asleep at night. And it's not even that I was throwing up, it was just being nauseous 100% of the time and only eating crackers and drinking Gatorade. Don't worry, it usually only lasts from about 6 weeks up until the 14th week. I lucked out and only had it from about 7 weeks until about 12 or 13 weeks.
That's just about all I've got for you guys for now. Happy Blogging!
-Bethany
Today I am 22 weeks pregnant and getting more and more excited to meet our precious Elijah, but what nobody tells you is how scared they truly are. This week we moved my stuff out of the room I have lived in since I can even remember being alive into our game room. For most people this may not seem like it's a big deal but I have hormones raging through my body at the speed of light and now all of a sudden there is a baby crib right next to my bed. To say the least, I was feeling a little overwhelmed. I mean honestly, nobody really pictures themselves having a baby when they are not married at 18 years old when they still live with their parents. If I were to tell you I am 100% at peace with my situation I would totally be lying. I am scared, excited, nervous, anxious, happy, and joyful and don't even tell me that feeling all those emotions and more wouldn't overwhelm you. In just around 5 months, I will be a mother and Jeremy will be a father. I am just so thankful to have people that I can call on to reassure me that everything is going to be fine and that I will be a good mother. And more importantly I am so blessed to have a God that tells me "The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace." Psalm 29:11
And you know what else nobody ever tells you? How much your body freaking changes when you are pregnant. I won't go into anything graphic to spare you but honestly... your body doesn't even feel like your own anymore. And when you feel that first movement.. the flip that feels like a fish is flopping in your belly... it gets even stranger! For me it brought on acne like I have never even had in my life along with emotions that literally make you feel like you are going insane. Although, I think all the "weird cravings" people get is a bunch of bull. I have not once craved pickles and ice cream or any other odd variety of things. But the worst part of it all was the morning sickness that lasted for a lot longer than in the morning. It was there when I woke up, all day while I was at school, and up until I fell asleep at night. And it's not even that I was throwing up, it was just being nauseous 100% of the time and only eating crackers and drinking Gatorade. Don't worry, it usually only lasts from about 6 weeks up until the 14th week. I lucked out and only had it from about 7 weeks until about 12 or 13 weeks.
That's just about all I've got for you guys for now. Happy Blogging!
-Bethany
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