Completely Consumed

I will draw you to me forever
In righteousness in justice and in mercy
I will draw you and me together
In loving kindness in faithfulness and in grace
No longer your master

 But your husband I will be

You have ravished my heart
With one glance of your eye 
How fair is your love
My promised my bride

This song speaks volumes to my heart and soul. There's no doubt that my heart desires that connection with a human man, and I've come to the realization that it's not something to feel bad about. It's a desire God has placed inside of me and it's something that he wants for me. He wants me to have that person to lead me closer to Him. He has someone for me who will challenge me to think outside of my traditions and question why I believe what I believe. He has a promise for me to be taken care of and loved just as he loves his "bride", which is the church. I believe these things. I believe his promises he has spoken directly to me. I know he has me waiting and that's okay. I've learned that there is so much beauty in waiting. There is so much growth. My mind has expanded, my love for people and God has grown. My self worth truly comes from Him. I'm learning so much in this season of waiting. I have learned that it's okay to desire a husband and i don't have to deny that part of my heart. I have learned it's important to ask questions and to be confrontational in a healthy way. I am learning to trust that a person who is seeking God fully is a person i want in my life, regardless if it is a friendship or a more personal relationship. I am learning that my son is my first responsibility. Teaching him about Jesus and who God created him. Developing his character and encouraging him in his strength and weaknesses. I know someday God will bring me that teammate and I promise to be so grateful for them and supportive and loving and gracious and understanding and encouraging and affectionate and intentional and forgiving as the Holy Spirit will empower me to do. I will always seek Christ to help me love this teammate to the best that i can. 

BUT, I say all of that to say.... Christ is no longer my master but my HUSBAND. Gosh, that is sooo beautiful to me while I am waiting. Everything God has promised to me he can fulfill and wants to fulfill for me in this season. That is so intimate. You have RAVISHED my heart with just one glance of your eye. The overwhelming peace I get when i hear these words i cannot begin to describe. There is truly no other love like the love of Christ. It's unshakeable, undeniable, unrelenting, all consuming, encompassing, all knowing, unwavering, unchanging, perfect love. What more could you ask for? 

The Reset

It's almost a new year so with that comes new year resolutions. I was given a challenge to choose a word that I feel God wants to use in my life this next year, but when I asked him i heard a few. 

Reset:

Surrender, Consistency, Growth. 

When I think and meditate on these words a lot of things go through my mind. They all kind of work together. 

Surrender: cease resistance to an enemy or opponent and submit to their authority.

Abandon oneself entirely to is another definition of the word. 

Consistency: the achievement of a level of performance that does not vary greatly in quality over time.

Growth: the process of developing or maturing physically, mentally, or spiritually.

These three words like I previously said definitely all intertwine. 

I know God has already been working on me to have a heart of surrender because there are so many situations in my life right now that i can choose to have anxiety over because I can't do anything about them, or I can surrender them to the one who can and be at peace. He wants me to daily surrender to Him. Surrender my short term goals which are sometimes hourly and also as far as my yearly goals. I know that the more of it I trust him with and hand over the more of Him i will see in them. That's what we want right? To see more of God at work in our lives... whether it looks like a tragedy or looks like a victory. If he's working we must have faith that the outcome will be good because God is good and everything he does is for our benefit. So, surrender it. All of it. 

Consistency. One of the hardest things to do as a human! But in order to be consistent i know it will first come out of surrender. Surrendering my goals and dreams and situations and finances and relationships will then give me the power to follow through because I am not relying on myself to do them. I am relying on Gods strength to help me make good eating decisions. I am relying on Gods strength to help me say no to myself when I want to spend money that i don't have at the time. I will have the strength to keep my mouth shut when I want to cuss someone out for being less competent than I feel that I am (what, too honest?). I will have the will power to make it to the gym even when I am tired. I will be strengthened by God to make sure I keep my priorities straight and in order. Will this surrender mean I will do everything perfectly? Will it automatically make me consistent? Definitely not. But I know if I don't surrender these things the chances of me being successful in consistency go way down. I'm a human so i'm inclined to fail... but God never fails. The more you rely on Him to strengthen you the less you're going to find yourself screwing up. This is how I plan on being more consistent. 

And finally, growth. When you are pursuing God and asking him to challenge you, he will. Growth is hard... and so is surrender, and so is consistency. But I didn't come to this life to stay where I was placed. I came to experience all that God has created for me to experience. I want to learn. I want to be educated. I want to be open minded and I want to be grounded in the word. I want to be challenged by others and by myself. I want every day to pass with a new lesson learned or a new revelation of who I am in Christ. I want to feel God has empowered me to accomplish one thing everyday that has moved me toward him and his calling on my life. I want to make someone feel his love and see his grace. I never ever want to become complacent or content with where I am at. Should there be a balance between being thankful and wanting more? Absolutely. If you are going somewhere, you're getting nowhere. If you are not growing, you're shrinking. If you don't water your grass, it will eventually die. In the same way if you don't pursue your dreams, nourish your relationships with people and yourself, talk with God, learn, work your muscles... they all start to wither and dissipate. I don't know about you but that's the last thing I want to feel about my life. 

2017:

I plan to surrender everything so I can be consistent in all areas and grow to my fullest potential. 

Its Christmas Eve

It's so odd to me that after tomorrow this Christmas season will already have come and gone. Everyone says it. The all too familiar, "Wow, can you believe an entire year has already went by?!". And it's true is the thing. I sit and think about just how fast a year passes by and it blows my mind. Even more so I think about how our time is NOTHING like Gods time. I kind of wonder how God really sees time, or does he even see it? Does he think about things the same way that we do or do we just think he does because we don't know any different? I'm running on about 4 1/2 hours of sleep right now so forgive me if this makes no sense at all... but think about it. We count the minutes while we sit at starbucks letting our frustrations rise because it has taken 4 minutes longer than usual. We think to ourselves my gosh I am 26 years old and still have no prospects for marriage. I'm 37 and still don't know if i'm living out the purpose God has for my life. I'm 15 and I wish i was 22 and out of my parents house. Time, time, time. We want to rush it and we want to slow it down. But maybe we have it allllll completely wrong. Maybe time was never meant to be a measurement of how good or bad we are doing in life. Maybe time was meant for us to ENJOY. I know i probably look at the time of the day or year wishing it was a DIFFERENT time more often than looking at it just to see what time it is.

I think we need to change our perspective of time. At least i feel like that is what God is challenging me to do. I bet God looks more at time like an opportunity than a deadline or a storyline. We are constantly looking at it like wondering about the last chapter or what is in the next. But what if Gods purpose of time was for you to steward the current time well and enjoy his blessings and live in the CURRENT time. I want to start to look at time as my responsibility and opportunity to enjoy what God has for me right now. I don't want another Christmas to come where I feel as if "Wow, that whole year just passed by." I want to be able to say WOW that year did pass by but it was so abundant in time because the time that passed was FULL. I want next christmas to be able to write and say I lived more in the moment and enjoyed the current time and season to the absolute fullest potential God has given me. I don't want to miss ANYTHING.

Merry Christmas Eve! 

Does it even matter?

Do you ever go through your day feeling like what you're doing is really making no difference at all? I often times find myself living my day to day life without intention and i don't even realize it. 

One of the things i am most afraid of in life is that my life will end and i will not have done what God had for me to do. I think the only way to really be satisfied with our lives is to constantly be seeking God and his will for us and when we know what that is we need to make consistent and intentional plans to get there. 

You can't just go through life living unintentionally with no goals and expect to get anywhere worth going. You can't expect your dreams to come if you aren't doing anything to attain them. I realize that i live far too many days focusing on my small tasks that i don't make intentional plans to follow through on the things that will get me where I know God has for me to go. It's so easy to just think "wake up. make coffee. listen to podcast. get dressed. go to work. make money. pick up kid. go to gym. talk to boyfriend. check in with parents. do homework. make dinner. take shower. hang out with kid. eat snack. pray. go to bed. repeat." But where is the intention in that day? That's a pretty routine day for me if i'm being honest. Yeah i intentionally go to the gym and i intentionally listen to podcasts and i intentionally spend time with my kid and those are all honestly priorities in my life but it's hard to see where those things will take me... if they will take me anywhere. 

I dream of being a great mom. My dream is to be a supportive and loving wife. I want to be my friends biggest cheerleader. I dream of attaining the physique i desire. I dream of being able to give in large amounts. I dream of having a solid schedule at work with no gaps. I dream of traveling. I dream of ministering to single moms. I dream of having more children. I dream of having a complete family. I dream of deep connections with people. I dream of supernatural miracles. I dream of being able to read books in coffee shops. I dream of being cherished by a man who cherishes his relationship with Christ above every other thing in his life. I dream of a man who dreams my dreams with me, and lets me in on dreaming his dreams with him. I dream of a simpler life, but an extraordinary one. 

I pray that God gives me the wisdom to make INTENTIONAL decisions each day to push me toward these dreams. My God is faithful and i dream that all of these dreams will come to pass as i remain faithful to Him. 

To be vulnerable...

Honesty. Truth. Vulnerability. Transparency.


All things I like to say I am pretty good with.
But all things I truly struggle with on a daily basis.


I'm a lover, God created me that way. I know this not only because of how I respond to situations but also because God has told me himself. He made me to love. I love hard and passionately and I love with no limits. Often times this has left me in situations where I have felt empty or unfulfilled because I want the same kind of love given back to me. I have also been taken advantage of and manipulated because I always try my hardest to give people the benefit of the doubt and give out multiple chances. I am sometimes loving with expectations for people to be the same way that I am, and not everyone is. If you're a lover like me, you completely understand where I'm coming from.

This makes me also realize just how important it is to find the balance between being a lover and also protecting your own heart. It is not healthy to give your heart, mind, emotions and soul to people who aren't capable of understanding the kind of person you are or loving you back. At the end of the day the Lord has equipped you with what you need to keep things in balance. It is Him. It is when I find myself longing for that deep honesty, truth, vulnerability, transparency connection with someone that I also find myself full of doubt and fear. I'm trusting in man to give me the deep connection that I should be relying on the Father for. Man can always fail you, so there is a realness in that fear. God on the other hand, He can never fail you.

I often find myself thinking... "Is my life too much for you? I have a lot of baggage." Some days my life literally feels like an episode of Jerry Springer. Sometimes my life looks like an episode of Parenthood, or has enough drama for an episode of Grey's Anatomy. I wonder if people look at me and think "Who would ever want to get involved in THAT." I think maybe I'm too passionate. Maybe I care too much. Like how wild and strong I am will push people away from me... so I feel the need to push myself back. To "relax" and not be so forward with my feelings or not be so outspoken with my opinions or thoughts. I'm scared that who God made me is considered "too much" by people.

But then I think, am I too much... or maybe I'm actually not enough? Am I at the gym consistently enough? Should I have eaten that? Am I pointing Elijah towards Christ enough, maybe we need to be reading the bible together more... Am I reading my bible enough? I'm not sure if my family really knows how much I appreciate them. Do my friends feel neglected? Am I going to be a good wife, do I show my feelings in a way that is understood? I don't feel like I'm making enough progress in my life. Maybe I need to find a second source of income so I can have more ability to give. Am I spending enough time with Elijah, my family, and my friends? I really need to read more books on finances.

All of these thoughts bring fear. Fear of rejection. Fear of losing relationships. Fear of all sorts. I hate fear. It is probably my least favorite human emotion that there is. You see, I love connecting. I love being on that soul level with a person where you know you are fully understood and they know you and you know they accept you exactly the way you are. So why is it so hard for us to accept that? Why do we have such a hard time believing that we are not too much, and that we are enough. Why am I so scared to let people in yet its EXACTLY what my soul is longing for. I would love to say I am fearless, but I'm not. If I want to be transparent, truthful, honest, and vulnerable... I'm here to tell you I battle fear every single day. I push myself to the limit to make sure I am the right balance of just enough but not too much all because deep down inside me there is a fear that I will be unaccepted and rejected.


I know I can shut these voice off in my head because of that one time God spoke to me and said "I made you a lover." So what do I do? I love. I love despite my fears. I share my story of brokenness and hopelessness and I tell how God redeemed it. How He constantly turns my bad decisions to show His glory and everlasting love for me. I allow myself to build healthy boundaries in my relationships so that my heart stays protected but I don't miss out on an opportunity to connect and get my soul fed. I give. I make myself take steps towards vulnerability and openness. We have all been hurt which also plays a big part in our fears.. but I've learned to push past the anxiety and fear that comes with relationships because I know that at the end of the day my Savior has my heart in his hands and if I allow fear to keep me from love... then I have lost who God told me He created me to be.

They Didn't Believe Me

So this is the story of my healing.

For the past 3-4 months of my life I have been having troubles with my thryoid levels. I was diagnosed at 17 years old with hypothyroidism. This is a disease where your body doesn't produce enough of the thyroid hormone causing you to be tired, gain weight, it can cause depression, among many many other things. I started taking medicine to give my body the missing thyroid so that I could function normally. It was monitored all through my pregnancy, and afterwards. About 3 months ago (around the same time I started really dieting down and training hard) though I started having a lot of symptoms of hyperthyroidism. I went to my endocrinologist and was tested and she actually upped my dosage. I thought.. this can't be right. So I found a new doctor. Before I went and saw this new doctor I was having migraine attacks so bad that I went to the hospital. My heart would race and I was unable to sleep. My symptoms were getting worse and worse. When I finally got to see the new doctor he decided to start lowering my dosage because he could tell from my symptoms that I was obviously taking too much medicine. So he lowered it, and my symptoms continued. To shorten the back and forth of calling and telling them I was still too high, this kept going on. I was sleeping 3-4 hours a night about 5 nights out of the week and would get about 6 hours twice a week on nights that I was just so exhausted from the previous nights of not sleeping. Keep in mind I was still working out for 2 hours a day burning over 1,000 calories 5-6 days a week and consuming around 1300 a day. I then began to wonder if my extreme diet and training were really what was wrong. How could I sleep for 3 hours a night, be awake with a racing heart and mind, and still have energy and a racing mind all day long? WHAT IN THE WORLD IS GOING ON WITH ME?! So when I was finally at wits end after trying benadryl and OTC sleeping pills with absolutely no success, I called him and asked for sleeping pills to get me through until my next appointment. He agreed and gave me an RX for ambien. After starting the ambien I was able to sleep better, but still not through the night. So I was satisfied somewhat but still confused as to how with a drug like ambien I could still not be sleeping.

This is where the story gets good:
I started to have random times of extreme depression. Crying, hard, upset over very small things. I felt extremely overwhelmed and just awful. But I also still had times of the rushing crazy energy. This was all getting so confusing. Is my thyroid high? Is it low? Why do i get depressed like its low and then racing like it's high? God was about to answer this question. On Sunday June 28 I decided to get my butt back in church. So I went. Pastor Clark was doing a message over the book "The Blessed Life". He talked about tithing some but what God spoke to me about was my time. All these past months I had lost track of my time spent with God. I still listened to preaching and teaching but I was neglecting my own real personal time with Him. God wants our first and best in EVERY area and I had not been giving him that. I decided I would start giving Him my best again. on Tuesday morning I woke up and had my quiet time and I told God that I was tired of dealing with all of the sickness and craziness going on in my life and that I was going to seek Him until I found the answer. Elijah woke up and I got his breakfast ready and then it all started. He was taking forever to eat his breakfast and I started getting very very frustrated with him. The heart racing, pumping, overwhelming, yet depressing and sad feelings were overtaking my body more than they ever had before. I ended up having to apologize to Elijah because I was getting SO angry with him. I contacted my mom not knowing what to do. I took Elijah to daycare early and headed to target to get the new RX the thyroid doctor prescribed for me the day before, along with new sleeping pills. The pharmacist proceeded to warn me that the new sleeping pills can cause depression, which comes in to play a little later. My mom is in a ministry with a lady named Jo McGuffin who has been specially gifted from God with ministering healing. I contacted her and asked her if she could possibly meet me very soon. She agreed to meet with me as soon as I could which was at 7:15 when I got off work. I went to her and she prayed for me after speaking the Word over me and building my faith. As she prayed my throat stopped hurting, my head stopped pounding, and I was having the most odd tingling sensation behind my eyes. I knew I was healed. As she prayed for me God told me to NOT take those new sleeping pills that night. He also showed me that all of the depression I started randomly having started when I started taking the Ambien. So that explained it. My mind was still racing and I still had a pounding heart and anxiety because my thyroid medicine is STILL too high (because I have been receiving healing for a long time now) and I started getting the depression because of the sleeping pills. God placed the puzzle together for me so I could finally understand what was going on. I talked some more with Jo and then got in my car to go home. I was worshipping God just praising him and thanking him for my healing when he just OVERWHELMED me with his supernatural joy in my spirit. He had me cracking up so hard i was crying and banging on my steering wheel. This continued for about 20 minutes, even when I got to my parents house to pick up Elijah. I just layed in my parents floor laughing hysterically enjoying the spirit of the Lord overtaking me. God was showing me that he was basically sealing my healing. It was kind of like okay, it is done. God has been rocking my world ever since. I didn't take the new sleeping pills that night because I knew God was telling me not to, and had even set that pharmacist in my way earlier in the day as a pre-warning to not take them. I woke up in the night but my heart racing was not near as bad as it had been, but I did take OTC sleeping pills. THEY ACTUALLY HELPED. I slept all night. God also spoke to me and told me that the end is near. And that I would see how He was going to use this for His good. That's what God does. He takes what satan means to destroy you and He changes it to get glory. My doctors, who told me I would never be healed of hypothyroidism are going to be astonished when they have to KEEP lowering my doasge until I am off of it completely. In the mean time of them lowering my medicine ( i cannot stop taking it all at once, it's very dangerous) God is going to supply me with what I need to deal with these symptoms which I can tell as they keep lowering it I keep feeling better and better.. If I went through this whole thing for 2 people to see that God heals, it was all worth it. I am healed in the name of Jesus. THANK YOU JESUS.

The Ugly Truth

I kind of pride myself in my ability to be transparent and open about my flaws and shortcomings. I'm not sure if that's necessarily a good or bad thing but, then again, I am proud to be this way. I feel like people have more respect for others when they allow themselves to be seen for how they are and the problems they face instead of trying to appear like they have it altogether. Let's face it folks, we are all walking disasters just being protected by the grace of God. 

The ugly truth for me right now is:

I AM NOT SLEEPING. 

I typically get an average of 4-5 hours a night, sometimes 3 and sometimes 6. But it is driving me absolutely insane. I am cranky and bitter and frustrated because of my lack of sleep. I just can't seem to go to sleep after waking up at 2:00, 3:30, 4:00. I have tried everything. Otc sleep aids, lavender, yoga, PRAYER, Benadryl,  stretching, milk, calming music and white noise, reading... you name it and I promise I have tried it. 

It effects every part of my life. It effects my relationships because I'm grouchy and uninterested due to lack of energy. It effects my training and ability in the gym. It effects my spiritual life because I have a hard time keeping focused. And it mostly effects my mind. People, I am so exhausted. This girl needs your prayers and also I need your grace as I go through the process of figuring out why I cannot sleep. I feel as though I am losing my sanity. 

How much is too much?

I'm going to get really honest with everyone. My passion for fitness has literally become an addiction for me. I have had to step back and re-assess my goals and priorities to make sure I keep the proper balance in my life. When I started this journey in December 2011 I never IMAGINED that I would ever love eating healthy and working out. It was so so so hard for me. I loved food so much and I loved NOT being sweaty. But, I had no self esteem and my relationship with myself and food was ruining me. I didn't respect myself because I didn't really see the point in taking care of my body... because I didn't even realize how much worth God had created in me. I had always been taught but it had never been a truth in my heart. My dad would testify to the fact that I would literally cry and whine and complain when he was too tired to help me work out. I needed constant encouragement to keep going and to keep me motivated. As I kept being pushed by my dad and started to get a little more confident using our bow flex in my dads garage, I started to not hate it AS much. But, i still did not like it. It wasn't until one night when he refused to go out with me and told me I needed to do this for myself that I sucked it up and started going out and doing what he had taught me. Then I started getting up at about 5 am to do it and that's when I knew I would never go back. I finally started losing some baby weight and I realized how much energy the working out gave me to get through my day. My confidence was slowly building. 

Fast forward to February 2015. I had gotten off track somewhat during the holidays so starting December 26 2014 I got back to my clean eating and working out. I was doing insanity, I got myself some whey protein, and invested in a polar ft4 training watch to keep me motivated. I have found when you invest money into something it will motivate you to stick to it! At least that's true for men As I started working out again I felt

better and started to lose that dreaded winter weight I had allowed myself to gain. 

Yuck! I had gotten so in shape the summer before and when I saw these pictures in January I wanted to DIE! I couldn't believe how being lazy for 2 months and not eating clean put the fat back on SO fast. So when I moved out in February and was unable to go to the gym at 5am I got myself a new routine. I would go pick up Elijah after work and go to the gym on Monday and Wednesday. On Thursdays I don't have work so I also go on Thursday mornings. When Elijah is with his dad and I don't have plans I go Friday night and sometimes even Saturday! Sunday mornings have become my favorite because pretty much everything is available. I started learning new exercises and just literally got to the point where I had no specific routine I just showed up, picked my body part, and cranked it out. I had gotten to the point where I was training for almost 2 hours on the days I would go and burning around 1,000 calories every time. I was addicted. 

I say all of this to say, I'VE HAD TO DETOX. I realize even something that is good for you and can make your life better, can also become something that consumes you. I do not want the gym to EVER be my first priority or to EVER become a god in my life. I will never allow myself to get to that level because I would have to quit altogether. God is my only God and he deserves my heart, not the gym. Elijah is my priority. My family is my priority. Helping others is my priority. It is our own responsibility to make sure we keep ourselves in the right perspective and not let things overtake our lives. I love my lifestyle. It has done amazing thing for me. But God has done far greater things and will keep doing greater things. I humbly admit and repent of abusing my time and prioritizing the gym over my Jesus. I am so thankful for a God who loves me enough to show me these truths and save me from myself even when I place things in front of Him. Is there anything in your life that is out of order? How are your priorities? If you need any prayer, please don't hesitate! 

Willis.bethany@gmail.com

Because you are all asking...

So recently I have posted a lot about my fitness journey and it has raised a lot of questions. I have tried my best to respond and help anyone who asks for my advice but I figured writing a blog with all of this information would save everyone a lot of time!

For the past few years since I had Elijah I started this healthy lifestyle journey. It started out as an emotional roller coaster for me. I had very low self esteem from not knowing my identity in Christ and allowing a toxic relationship to give satan a foothold in my life. After getting pregnant at 18 and having an extremely rough (emotionally) pregnancy, my weight was a whopping 154 pounds. I am 5'4 and that was definitely not any kind of muscle weight. I ate because it made me feel good. Food had become my comforter, when God should have been. I started reading the book "Made to Crave" and God used it to transform my mind. Another book I read during this time was "Captivating". Both of these books had a tremendous role in forming new thoughts about myself and how truly precious I am as a woman and as a daughter of the King. God showed me my value and had I not had these revelations, I would not have the discipline and motivation I do today to keep going and improve. It is because of His unfailing love for me, and his constant pursuit of me, that I know I am worth all of the effort I apply to being the best I can be. If you have a problem going back and forth and back and forth in your healthy lifestyle changes, please take a look at the condition of your heart. It is the most frustrating thing wanting to change but not being able to figure out what is holding you back from staying consistent.. YOU ARE WORTH IT. I can tell you that all day but you have to believe it about yourself before change will stay.

With that being said, I need to get a few things out of the way.
1. I am no fitness/health guru. I have not had schooling. I had a trainer for 3 months last summer and that's it. I am not a super chef. I don't know everything.. Shoot, I don't really feel like I know much at all. Everything I am about to write is not anything other than what I have tried and what has worked for me. Everyone is different and everyone's body responds differently to different things. I have tried things I have seen work for others with little to no results for myself.
2. Be realistic. I have been the absolute worst at following all of these SUPER ripped and toned fit tanned fitness people on Instagram expecting my body to look like theirs. Is it possible? I honestly don't know. But if I compare each of them to one another, they all have differences. You have to expect the same for yourself. Not any persons body can look exactly like another's. God just didn't make us that way. Learn to see your body for what it is, yours. You cannot go into this expecting to look like someone else because you just won't. You might get a tighter lower abs faster than you grow your glutes. Your biceps might come in sooner than you notice your quads or lose that bra bulge. Only compare yourself to you. Don't expect thing that are unrealistic for you but also know you can ALWAYS improve. Also, understand that it takes time. Like I said I started this journey December 2011. It's not an overnight thing. Be patient. Be realistic. Love yourself.


NOW for the other stuff:
Training-
I do weight training at least 3 times a week. If I can go more I do. The most I go in a week is 5 days because it is important to let your muscles rest. Some days I will just do cardio if I go that many days out of the week but I never do more than 20 minutes of intense cardio on weight days and 30 mins on non-weight days. I do a minimum of 45 minutes on weights on a low energy day but typically I go about 1 hour to 1 hour and 15 minutes. That amount of time has grown the more addicted I have become to the results of how great I feel after working out. When I started in the gym I would do weights for about 30-45 minutes and 30-35 minutes of cardio. I liked cardio because it was comfortable and easy and it didn't take much thought. But building muscle is absolutely key to burning fat long term and seeing muscle definition. Hours of cardio will never have you looking defined and cut. YOU MUST GET UNCOMFORTABLE AND LEARN TO LIFT CRAP.... and when you see how strong you get you will love it! I use a polar ft4 heart rate monitor when I train. It lets me know when my heart is in the appropriate zones and tracks my calories burned. I absolutely love it and I bought it on amazon. I wear a neoprene waist trimmer ($5 at Walmart mart) when I do cardio. It helps you sweat more and sometimes I go ahead and wear it when I am doing weights too. I also suggest weightlifting gloves if you plan on using barbells or dumbbells. If you can't afford a trainer get on bodybuilding.com and check out all of the workouts on there. Plenty of instructional videos from trained professionals and it is all free. Also, don't be intimidated to ask someone at your gym how to use a machine. I love when people ask me about an exercise I'm doing and I love asking others about what they are doing too. Always seek knowledge from people who inspire you! I have met some of the most genuine and nicest people in the gym and they are full of advice and encouragement. #FitFam is a real thing!!!!

Eating-
This is where it gets real. FOOD. LOVE FOOD. Food is not your enemy! Food is your fuel. just like you won't get fit eating 2500 calories a day full of chips and soda, you won't get fit eating 800 calories of spinach and carrots. You MUST fuel your body and not only with foods that are healthy for you, but that meet your goals. If you are trying to lose fat but you are consuming too many carbs, it's never going to happen. Everything about food is definitely scientific and you will have to tweak it as you go. For me, currently, I changed my diet from a "clean eating" approach to what all the fitness freaks call "If It Fits Your Macros". This intrigued me because all of these Instagram fitness people are posting froyo and donuts and they have banging bodies. It made no sense to me. so I started my research. I started paying attention to what I was eating not relizing HOW MUCH CARBS AND FAT TOOK OVER MY DIET!!!! They were complex carbs like brown rice and sweet potatoes and wheat grain bread which are good for you but the percentage of them that I was consuming was sabotaging my fat loss. Also almonds and cashews and peanut butter and avocado. All okay in the right place, but I was not eating them accurately. I got on some websites and found out I needed to be eating 1250-1450 calories per day to be losing weight. Based off of that number I got on another website (bodybuilding.com) and found an article that helped me understand that for my body type and for FAT LOSS I needed to wayyyyy change my diet. I decided to start eating for my macronutrient needs. For my body this is 50% protein, 30% fat, and 20% carbs. I've been doing this for 2 weeks now and my results have blown my mind. I try my absolute hardest to meet my protein goal first. 175 grams of protein. 70 grams of carbs. 47 grams of fat. I use myfitnesspal app to keep track of everything and it has been a lifesaver.

Food:
Currently I eat a lot of egg whites, hard boiled egg whites, low fat cheese, fat free cottage cheese, Greek yogurt, Brussels sprouts, broccoli, asparagus, turkey, chicken, tilapia, salmon, broccoli slaw,
tuna, spinach, avocado, shrimp, salsa, raspberries, blackberries, strawberries, and whey protein. I use salt free Mrs. Dash to flavor a lot of my food and I always try to get the leanest meat. ground turkey instead of beef, etc. I throw in some wheat thins or a wrap or pretzels or almonds just depending on what I need to meet my needs that day. the great thing about it is you don't have to feel guilty eating a donut as long as it fits into your macros for the day so I SUGGEST PLANNING ALL OF YOUR SNACKS AND MEALS IN THE MORNING. That way you are on track for the entire day! Keep in mind the cleaner you keep it the better results you will have BUT it won't kill you to have a donut and make sure it fits in to your macros. I cook and prepare my food in advance so it's ready to go. I also use a food scale that was about $5 at Walmart mart to get accurate measurements on the food I am eating. Also drink a lot of water! Fruit tends to have way more carbs than you expect so plan on cutting wayyyyy down on them.

"In the beginning..."

1 In the beginning the Word already existed.
    The Word was with God,
    and the Word was God.
² He existed in the beginning with God.
³ God created everything through him,
    and nothing was created except through him.
⁴ The Word gave life to everything that was created,^[a]
    and his life brought light to everyone.
⁵ The light shines in the darkness,
    and the darkness can never extinguish it.


So many times I have read this verse, and completely read it wrong. Notice how the letter w is capitalized in the Word.See, this passage is not speaking of the Word relating to the bible. Rather it is speaking about the Word coming from, being with Him, and being Him. Growing up in church you are taught to always read your bible and take from it how to live and how not to live. I have learned finally that is all wrong. Sure, yes, there are guidelines in the bible that help you make good decisions etc. but I don't that is not the main purpose. 

If the Word has been here all along, and the Word is what created life and light, then what is the Word?

In this westernized culture of church and Christianity and Jesus I think we have completely lost the real key to LIFE. Life comes by the WORD, not meaning only the bible. But first meaning the Word from God. We seek so strongly to find answers to life and situations in the bible and we never even go to the one who wrote it in the first place. If God can give us his word (the bible) and we find comfort in it, how much more comfort and peace and guidance will we find when we actually directly ask HIM about whatever it is we are facing??

His Word for your life will always bring what you need. He does not return void. When you are seeking what the spirit has to say to you light and life just flows from every direction. God created life and existence by speaking it there. He will also speak life into your situations if you allow him to speak. Are you asking God what he thinks, or are you relying solely on your bible?

Theres this thing...

As a single mom I have had several times when I have been alone in the quiet and I hated it. In these moments God would reveal to me just how weak and broken I was. He allowed me to feel my pain to it's fullness and I hated that pain so much. But also in these moments it wasn't only God I was allowing to speak into my life. I had gotten truth and lies so twisted in my life I didn't even know which was which anymore.

I would think thoughts like this:
What did I do to end up by myself? Am I always going to be alone? Will my parents ever trust me again? Will I ever trust me again? Is anyone going to want me? What will it be like for Elijah growing up? Did I ruin the chance at him having a good future and family life? Is he going to be messed up because of the situation I brought him in to? How can God fix this? Am I doomed to feel this sadness forever? Are there even good men anymore?

The worst part is I believed I had been the one to screw everything up, which I had screwed up a lot, don't get me wrong. But it was never completely my burden to carry. (It actually wasn't my burden to carry at all, you will understand this thought later.). I figured nobody would want somebody who already has a child and who has already given themselves to a man, unless they were just seeking sex. I never ever thought my parents would regain trust in me, much less respect me as a mother. I kept imagining awful images of Elijah's childhood and custody battles and fights and honestly the worst thing I imagined was abandonment for him. I believed it was all my fault. He would be a troubled kid because of me. I honestly was not sure how God could fix the situation I had set up, (how human of me to think this way), and I never thought I would move through the pain of the situation because I thought the darkness was doomed to last for the rest of my life.

The funny thing is that I grew up in church. I had been taught that God has a future and that all things work together for the GOOD for those who love him. I knew he had a hope for me. His word says he brings us peace. I had heard over and over again that as christians we are seen by God how he sees Jesus. Ya see, I had been told truth my entire life about who I was in Jesus. But it wasn't until I was actually seeking him in my wretched broken life that I had created, that his LOVE and FREEDOM was revealed to me. I was finally free to believe that he has a hope and a future for me. That He desires to know me and love me deeper than any man ever could. If Jesus can love me past my sins, man who is also sinful surely can. I don't have to be afraid and I don't have to live my life in shame. God is so much bigger than all of those lies because God is TRUTH and He has the final word. He calls me a saint, righteousness, he calls me a good mother, he calls me smart, he calls me daughter, he calls me beautiful, he calls me wise, he calls me by my name, he knows the number of hairs on my head, he knows my thoughts before I think them, he knows the desires of my heart, he knows I desire him above anything else in this life, he desires ME.

For you single moms out there, stop worrying. I know it can be dark sometimes, and maybe it's dark right now. If it is seek encouragement because IT WILL GET BETTER. God IS so much bigger than your circumstance and he is bigger than your mistakes. He turned us from dirt. All of the intricacy of the human body, made of dirt. He can surely fix any problem we can create.

If your life isn't dark right now I have 2 things for you. First off find someone who's life is dark and bring some hope to them. We all need hope, and some people don't know anyone who can give them any. Secondly, build yourself up in the word so that when Satan tries to get you to believe lies you are READY with the truth. If you don't prepare yourself Satan can easily manipulate the stupidest things to make you believe you are less than and you don't stand a chance.

Galatians 2:20
My Old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by TRUSTING in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.


-Bethany

Love that falls short.

I can literally talk for hours about how much I love Jesus. I can talk to you for extended periods of time about all He has done in my life and just how deep my love is for Him who saved me from SO much heartache. But let's get real here, I fail Him every single day.



This post isn't about being guilty or feeling condemned. Its more about how sufficient his love is, even when our love for Him falls short.

In John 13:36-38 Peter is confessing to Jesus just how much he loves Him, just as I do every day. Peter even goes to the extent of saying he would DIE for Jesus. Jesus straight up calls Peter out. He tells him that He will deny him 3 times before the end of the day. And Peter does.

I pray to God every morning thanking him for everything He has done for me, rescued me from, blessed me with, blessings that I have not received yet, and so on. But how many times do I go through my day and don't ask his opinion on my situations? How many times do I just decide on my own how to handle things. How many times do I ignore conversations that need to be had, because it is more comfortable to not "go there" with people.

This is where I find myself. Denying God all day long. I am seeking him, yet denying him as well. I can honestly say I am IN LOVE with my savior. Absolutely irrevocably insanely madly truly in love with him, yet my love will ALWAYS fall short. This is the problem with man and woman, with humans. We can never ever ever meet up to his standard of love. You can be just as in love with money, sex, drugs, another person, your children, your career, a sports team or sport, cars and boats, porn, facebook, fitness, etc. But no matter what.. you wont save as much money in your bank account one month. You will find yourself lusting after the wrong person. You will fail your kids by over promising them something. You will be late to work. You'll miss your favorite teams "big game". You wont get to spend as much time working on your car or boat. You'll miss your session of porn at night. You wont be able to log in to facebook because your busy actually working. You will cheat on your diet and skip the gym. You see? This is our problem. Our love is a very flawed love. It will always fall short in one way or another. You will "deny" the things you say you love at some point. But Jesus, no. Never. He is solid and true and he cannot lie. He is never going to fail you. I pray you find peace and comfort in that. And let go of your other Gods that will not only fail you, but bring you into bondage. God gives freedom and all he asks is for our heart. Other gods demand our time, and as we give time it will demand more and more of us. The more you indulge in something the more you feed it. Indulge in your problems and watch them get bigger. Indulge in your "gods" and watch them become magnificent. Watch yourself be paranoid about your bank account, about your wife seeing your history on the internet and eventually the DVD's in your dresser. Watch how your boss finds out how much time you spend on facebook. Look and see how your kids become distant from you/ But if you indulge in God, watch how those chains fall off. See how his love and grace will bring you a freedom you never knew you could have. Watch your money turn to good. Watch your kids ask YOU to hang out. Watch your wife or husband fall madly in love with you all over again. Watch your fitness goals become attainable. Let his unfailing love, unlike ours, overwhelm your life.

-Bethany

Living Your Life.

Father's Day

A Letter to my Father

Dear Dad,

This father’s day I wanted to take time to write you a legit letter instead of just getting a card. So here it goes:

Growing up I have always known how much you loved me. You have never fallen short of showing love, even when I confused your love and discipline for anger or unfairness. You have always been a solid in my life just as a Father should be. Not only have you given me a good picture of a earthly Father but in a lot of ways you have shown me characteristics of my Heavenly Father and that is the biggest thing a man can do for his children. Thank you for always being solid, even when I fought against you. Children need someone who they can always count on to be there, whether they like what you have to say or not.

I also want to apologize for any of my own short-comings and thank you for loving me through them. I have obviously made mistakes in my life and some of my mistakes have affected my family in negative ways. Thank you for not giving up on me and for loving me when i clearly didn’t deserve it.

I am so glad I have so many of your characteristics. My favorite is that I speak my mind and don’t take any crap. For a long time I didn’t do that (especially to certain people) and you taught me that it’s okay to be a strong woman and have opinions. I have a right to be heard and to be validated in my feelings and what I think. For a long time I thought women were just supposed to keep quiet, but in a lot of situations we are supposed to speak up for ourselves. I have finally learned this “no bull-crap” attitude, but not in an arrogant way!

The biggest most important thing I can thank you for is loving Elijah. As you know your kids are the most valuable and treasured thing in your life and I regret so much the situation I brought my child in to. But I am eternally grateful and extremely blessed to have a dad who has stepped in as a Father figure to my baby. He loves you so much it’s ridiculous and you honestly have no idea how much joy it brings to my heart. God took a situation that I obviously screwed up and has turned it into the most amazing gift I could have ever received, and you have been a huge part of that. So thank you for being Elijah’s papa. Thank you for teaching me. Thank you for loving mom. Thank you for always pushing me. Thank you for being honest. Thanks for seeing potential and value in me when I didn’t. Thank you for truly being a Father. I love you.

Xoxo, Bethany

Lets Get It!

Okay so I asked some of you if you wanted to partake in this fitness/health challenge with me!

First of all I want to state what the main goal of this is:
Get healthy and active so we can partake in things in life that require a healthy body. So we can love ourselves more and feel comfortable. So we can play with our kids longer. So we can live longer. This is not about becoming a certain size (although you should set a REALISTIC goal for yourself to strive towards) or becoming ripped. This is about knowing your true beauty and value and learning how to take care of yourself BECAUSE you deserve it!!!

***Special Note***
If you find yourself eating when you are stressed, alone, tired, or emotional; you are an emotional eater. This is something not to be ashamed of, I once gained about 15-20 lbs because I was emotionally eating and unaware of it. That was one of the most darkest parts of my young life and I am so glad God showed me that I was self destructing. I would eat and feel disgusted. This is often how eating disorders are started (either purging or way over eating) so if you think this MIGHT be you please check out the book "Made to Crave" by Lysa TerKeurst. It really, really gave me the motivation to change my life.


For beginners:
This is for people who really don't do much and eat mainly whatever is convenient or easy whether it is healthy or not. (Don't be ashamed, everyone is at this stage at some point and some people never choose to leave it!)

How you eat-
Phase One:
Start with something small. Cut out your favorite unhealthy item. Replace it with something similar, it may take you a few tries to find something that satisfies your overwhelming need for Dr. Pepper. Or Braum's ice cream. It can be as simple as switching from full fat ice cream to sugar free. You have to start small because after-all this is the beginning from you. We drink milk as babies, we don't eat steak and burgers. Over aiming  by saying "I'm going to cut out all junk food and soda" when you have never cut any of that from your diet before is setting you up for failure. Also during this period of time (Give it at least a week, for the weaker willed you may want to do 2 weeks) start incorporating more nutrient rich foods. I will make a list of things I enjoy at the end of this post. You can always get on the Healthy & Fitness section of Pinterest for ideas! This phase is also good for learning portion control! If you normally have 2 plates, you are most likely over-eating. If you feel like you are ready to move past your "addictive foods" move on to Phase 2 for the mid-health people.

How you train-
When I first started out i did 2 things. I worked out to Jillian Michaels DVD's. I followed her 5-6 days a week workout program. It may be simple as walking for 30 minutes a day for you. The point for beginners is to BEGIN something.. anything. Do this for as long as you need to. It took me about a month to get motivated in the working out area. I was extremely unmotivated to work out. I hated getting exhausted and feeling like I couldn't do what she was telling me to do. I always felt gross in the clothes. This was also when I was most ashamed of my body and the way I had let it get. I pushed through and finally made it to a "mid-health" person. Once you feel like you don't absolutely HATE working out and you want a little more of a challenge, move on to mid-health. Your diet and workout levels wont always be the same. You may move on to one phase faster than the other, that's okay as long as you are progressing! Just do not quit! It can take even up to 3 months before you see a difference in yourself.

For "mid-health" People:
This is for the people who have a general idea about health and fitness. You have learned enough to know that you can't eat McDonald's or drench your salad in ranch dressing and expect to lose any weight (even if you are working out religiously) This is for the people who want a little more of a challenge.

How you eat:
Your past cutting out things you are "addicted" to. You are curious about what options are out there. This is when I started looking at bodybuilding.com
There are so many people with so many different "meal plans" and diets to follow. It gave me a lot of ideas and I pretty much made up my own based off of theirs. Don't get yourself so crazy that you are trying to figure out your "macro nutrients" and etc. When you get to the Crazed Stage you might be interested in doing that, but at this point you need to focus more on cleaning yourself up a lot more than you did in the first phase. This means it's time to start eating wheat bread and wheat noodles, less canned veggies and more fresh veggies. Cut back on dairy but don't completely rid yourself of it. Start eating more chicken and fish than beef. This is also when you might want to start drinking whey protein shakes as part of your day.

How you train:
This is time to move on to something more intense. Don't burn yourself out but really learn to push yourself. When you have decided you want to start running rather than walking, push yourself. Make yourself go all the way up the hill. Make yourself run that extra half mile. You CAN do it. It may feel like you won't make it but I promise you aren't going to die and you will be so proud of yourself later! When you decide to go buy your first set of dumbells get 2 pair. Get a pair that is hard and get a pair that is CHALLENGING. Do your sets with the averagely hard pair and on your last set use the challenging ones. Even if you can't completely finish your last set, you are working your muscles and building them up slowly so eventually you can do all of your sets with that pair. It's all about learning to push yourself to know you can do more during this phase. At this phase you MAY want a trainer or someone to push you.

For the crazies!
I myself am almost here. You love fitness now. You want everything better. You actually feel good about yourself and want to feel even better because you know you can. These are people who love eating healthy and love the gym. This can take 6 months or sometimes more to get to.

How you eat:
You may go all the way to the point of figuring out your macro's in this phase. Or you may just be eating "clean" 98% of the time (let's be real, nobody is going to cut out crap for everyday all day all week). Most people when they reach this stage eat clean for pretty much the rest of their life. You realize how it affects your health and wellness and how good it makes you feel.

How you train:
Your most likely in the gym at least 5 days a week, or doing some kind of working out as often as possible. A lot of people get rid of trainers and just find a workout buddy at this point. You have learned enough to train yourself but may still seek accountability or someone who can push you even further.


Some "clean eats" ideas;
Almonds, sugar free jello, Whey Protein shakes, mozzarella cheese sticks, greek yogurt, any fruits and vegetables, almond butter or natural peanut butter, cherry tomatoes, oatmeal (actually make it and sweeten it with honey and fruit, prepackaged is filled with sugar), lean meats like turkey chicken and fish, brown rice, avocado, hummus, popcorn (light butter or kettle), eggs or egg whites, spinach, balsamic vinegar dressing, I personally have grown to love tuna... the list goes on.

Like I said I get a lot of ideas off of pinterest when I am getting bored with what I eat.


I will post more tips and things later on (:
xoxo,
Bethany

John 11:33

Well I knew I wasn't going to be going to church today so I wanted to get into John 11 and read it for myself. We are doing a study over the book of John at Frontline! Loving it.

As I was reading John 11 my heart became filled with thankfulness.
In the book of John the people are weeping because Lazarus has died. Mary and Martha are both deeply saddened at the loss of their brother and admit to Jesus they know he would not have died if He would have been there when he was sick.


John 11:33
When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. (NIV)
John 11:33
 When Jesus saw her weeping and saw the other people wailing with her, a deep anger welled up within him, and he was deeply troubled. (NLV)


I was sitting on my back porch thinking over the last few years and thinking about how I wish some things had worked out differently and how some things didn't change and how some things did change. As I sit here and think about all of the times I cried out to God for strength and cried out to God to heal my broken heart, he wept for me. Jesus... the Son of God. He cares so much for me that He himself gets angered at situations in our lives that cause us strife and cause us pain. I take so much comfort in knowing that when I am hurting and sad or angry or someone has done something wrong to me that Jesus is right there by my side angry, upset, hurt, and crying WITH me and FOR me. I think about how the verse says he was deeply troubled. It reminds me of the show intervention where you can see the tiredness and the sadness and worry in the families eyes as they beg their family member and friend to take help. When someone is in a desperate situation or are seriously hurting we always tend to get a little more involved than when we just know they have a bad situation in their life. Everyone has bad situations. But Jesus looks at every single situation in our life that we are struggling with or do not have peace in and he is deeply troubled by our pain. How can God love people so much when we constantly constantly screw up and do crappy things. This is the biggest picture of love that I have gained revelation of in a long time.

You guys, I know I am hypocritical about a lot of things. But Jesus loved the hypocrites too. I just plan on falling more and more in love with my Savior. It would be impossible not to because of hos much love he shows me. How can you not love someone who is constantly there for you and constantly blessing you and looking out for you? Giving you gifts and guidance. Protecting you and giving you hope for your future. I serve the greatest God. The only God. A God who weeps for me.

A New Era!

I am so glad that the Mommy's are beginning to come together! It makes life so much easier when you have other people to lean on and just enjoy the same experiences with! I am so blessed to know all of you and can't wait to meet more of you! That being said:

We all go through good seasons and bad seasons in life. We all experience joy and we all experience heartbreak. I just want to offer some truth to everyone. YOU WILL MAKE IT THROUGH!!!! I have always always wanted to have a family for Elijah. It bothered the crraaaappp out of me and I found myself getting super upset and stressed out about it for a very long time. I kept going back to a relationship and waiting for things to change *similar to chelsea on teen mom, GAG ME!!!* and I was completely miserable. I ignored advice, signs, people, and my own gut because of my feelings. I never would listen to God's wisdom. I always asked Godly women and leaders what they thought of the situation and never got the answer I wanted. I wouldn't listen. Now I am not saying God can't change people because believe me when I say he can do ANYTHING. But a person has to have an open heart and want to change. I wanted to change, and boy oh boy did he change me. He changed my want for a family to a want for a HEALTHY family. He changed my self hate to self VALUE. He changed my broken heart to a WHOLE heart. He changed my bad attitude to an OPTIMISTIC one filled with hope. This was not at all easy. It still isn't easy. It's not easy co-parenting. It's not easy dealing with emotions. Its not easy dealing with a situation that isn't in the form that it was always meant to be in. But I try so hard to not rely on my own self any longer for strength. When I did that I always always failed an ended up even more distraught than before.

I say all of that not only to make myself vulnerable to you all so you can know a part of my story, but so if you have any kind of prayer requests you can message me and I will pray for you. Jesus is the absolute ONLY thing that has brought me through everything I have encountered in the last 3 years.

Examples of Requests:
Marriage
Being a single mom
Friendships
Loneliness
Self- Esteem
Having hope
Money
Legal Issues
Health
Child's Future

Being a Woman

Lately God has really been speaking to my heart as a woman.

I feel like in the world we live in we are belittled way to often. Multiple times a day. It's like a never ending cycle. But in all reality we are meant to be a treasured and cherished prize. It amazes me how we let the world define us and tell us what we are.

There is no greater love than the love God has for us. If we truly understood how much we are worth we wouldn't listen to 95% of the crap that we do. We are all guilty of it, myself included. Allowing people and media to influence what we think about ourselves and what we are capable of. We let everything negative in and slowly forget how much strength God has given us as women.

I am so sick of this disgusting epidemic that is running rapid in our society. God meant for us to be STRONG women. To know we are beautiful. To know that we are meant for more than sex. We were created for something so much bigger than what the world brings us down to.

I will no longer buy into the lies satan and the world tells me about myself.
I'm a woman. I am fearless. I am beautiful. I am cherished. I am a fighter. I am freaking awesome. And I won't be quiet about how I am all of these things, because GOD created me this way.

-Bethany

The journey.

So the day after Christmas I stepped on the scale and realized I had gained a good 8 pounds since thanksgiving. WHAT!?!?! I already still had baby weight to lose and now I just added on to it by almost 10 pounds. I was not going to let myself stay there, or get worse. This was a major call to action. I had done diets before but this time I meant business.


It's been 14 days and I've lost 9 pounds so far. This is what I am doing:

First of all I realized my weight was also tied into my emotions so I have been seeking God in helping me with my self discipline. The same power that raised him from the dead lives in me.. for ANY problem I face. If he can conquer death surely he can conquer the numbers on the scale, and more importantly the issues in my heart. The book & devotional that I am reading is called Made to Crave. I highly suggest it to anyone who has a hard time turning down tasty treats!

I got a journal and wrote down some encouraging quotes along with the restrictions I have given myself.
1. I only allow one cheat per week, and it has to be pre-planned. It cannot be spur of the moment because that was one of my major problems. I would see it, want it, and eat it. It's just one cheat right? We all know it doesn't work that way.
2. I still eat carbs (the good ones) but I eat the majority of them before 1 pm while my metabolism is still going strong. Pasta is the absolute worst thing you can eat for dinner.
3. I cut out specifically chips, cookies, and brownies. Those were big temptations for me. But I pretty much don't eat ANY of that crap anymore. I always finish every meal with 3 m&m's so that I get my sweet tooth fulfilled without having a full dessert.
4. I weigh myself once a week.
5. Take pictures once a month.
6. Do a Jillian Michaels DVD at least 6 times a week. If I can get a walk in I also do that. Right now I am doing the Ripped in 30 DVD.

Like I said though this has been more of a heart issue for me than anything. God has given me the strength to realize when I am actually hungry or when I am just unfulfilled spiritually. We need physical food but way more importantly we need spiritual food.

-Bethany

Finally!

I had a friend recently tell me that God was telling her to tell me the word indulge. At the moment I had no idea what it could mean. But the more I keep stepping out and trusting God for the things he has promised me.. the more I am seeing them come through and the more I am able to indulge myself in them!

Growth is never easy and usually not very fun while you are in the middle of it but once you pass certain obstacles it feels so great to know God gave you the power to endure through those times to get to the other side! I cannot imagine my life without my precious baby boy. He has brought light to what could have been a very dark situation and he continues to light it up more each and every day! He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Since he has existed I have grown SO MUCH because I want to be the best mom I can possibly be for him. I am so excited for the season of life I am in right now and i am going to INDULGE myself in it!

-Bethany