Friday, September 30, 2011


This is something that most of us deal with even when we don't realize it. We feel like we have a right to be upset (we usually do) at somebody who has wronged us. But what I'm finding out in my own life is that being mad at someone effects you a whole lot more than it effects them. They aren't the one going through their day re-hashing what was said or done or thinking of what might be said or happen next.

God really spoke his own words out of my mouth in worship one morning and I totally lost composure. He said "help me to love *insert name here*". when those words came flying out I was unsure what to think. How could I possibly love someone who I feel has done so much to me? And how could I continue to show love to someone who continually expressed hatred to me?

This is when god ultimately started working on me about forgiveness.

I can't tell you I have this all figured out but I can tell you that I have started receiving small glimpses of joy returning back into my own life as I am letting go of my hurt feelings. Once I realized that my joy was not held back because of someone else, that it was me controlling it, I decided to stop blaming and to start fighting back. There are times I wake up at night for no reason and start thinking about all the hurtful things and the situations that are yet to come and I have to set my thoughts captive and tell my mind to shut up in Jesus name. When these attacks come I lose sleep, then in turn have a harder time the next day and it really is just a ripple effect.

Forgiveness is less for the person who you are forgiving, and more for you. Until I learn to fully release forgiveness to the people who I feel "owe me" something I will be held back. Thank god for this revelation!!!

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Open House

We have been talking about being an "open house life" at church and it really has put a lot of god ideas in my head. When we don't make ourselves vulnerable with people and keep our door closed, essentially we are saying we do not care. I mean let's be honest, we always are the first to say "what's going on in your life?" and the last to say, "here are my problems, can you help me?". Our society has programmed us to be nosey but not let people in our OWN messy lives. Why are we so disclosed? Do we see what we are doing? Honestly, we are all in this life together for a reason. We were created for relationships and relationships were created for us. It is necessary for growth.

Also, why do we go through our day asking questions that we really aren't listening for the answers? "How are you?", "What have you been up to.", "What's been going on lately?". I was listening to Joyce Meyer and God spoke through her to me when she was talking about this very thing. We so often say we want to help people and we want to reach out and show them love, we just don't know how. This is the craziest thing because how many people love to talk about themselves? Every person likes to to some degree, and if you say you don't you're lying! People tell you how to love them when you talk to them, usually the problem is we are not listening. People talk about their passions, their life, their problems, their joys, EVERYTHING. You simply have to listen to what they are saying. If someone says in conversation they LOVE a certain kind of coffee and three days later you hear them saying they are having a rough morning, how huge would it be that you were actually LISTENING to them when they said what kind of coffee brought them joy and you were able to gift them with that. Joyce challenged to keep a notepad of things people say that stick out to you so when the spirit leads you can bless them. This is something I really want to get good at doing!

People, let's get real & vulnerable. Souls are at stake, and that's not a risk I'm willing to take.