Sunday, October 23, 2011


I am writing today full of hope. I have always had hope but in seeking God I have realized I can have hope in a situation even when it looks like it will never ever get better. I have had a lot of ups and downs the past year, mostly downs if we are being honest. Don't get me wrong I have had tremendous blessing (starting & finishing hair school, giving birth to the most precious baby boy, getting a job, making new friends, growing, etc.) but I feel like if I were to really make a collection of the past year the trying times will very far outweigh all of the times I have had good things going on.

There were so many times that I felt so very alone. Abandoned.

I kept on seeking God. I kept on asking for Him. I continually prayed even in my deepest hurting moments that He would restore the things that needed to be restored. I knew it was in His power, but sometimes human will gets in the way of what God can and wants to do in our lives. He has a plan and a purpose for us but if we choose to do the opposite, He isn't going to MAKE us go his way.

I say all of this to say all of those long hard months of patient endurance were completely exhausting, but I am seeing His promises being stepped out before me now. Do I think it is all uphill from here? No, because life doesn't work that way. What I do know is that I have proof that God will come through on every single thing He says if we allow Him. Because even in the darkest place, I can see His light. God restores, so let Him.


Thursday, October 20, 2011

True Love

For once in my life I can honestly say that I have experienced TRUE love.

I have been praying for months now that God would heal my broken heart. I have always heard and known deep down that his love is the only thing that could sustain me but I had always filled that place with other people and things. Being a new mom you really don't have time for yourself, much less other people, so it gets kind of lonely. It is kind of like God wanted me to be alone with myself so I would have to face the facts of how crappy my heart condition was. I was extremely lonely and very sad any time I had to be by myself. I didn't used to be that way.

My point being, I never ever want to put anything in front of God again. The loneliness I felt while I was searching for him was no fun at all and now that I have him I am not willing to do anything to ever sacrifice that ever again.

I wish I could explain to you how my heart feels today but there literally are not words. There are so many words to describe the negative way I felt beforehand but Gods love can't be put in to words it just would not do it justice.

I've received my freedom and my healing, finally.
God was not kidding when he said "knock and the door will be answered. seek me, and you will find me."