Saturday, July 23, 2011

Being in limbo

Its really not the place anyone wants to be. Stuck in limbo.

I am at such an inbetween place in life right now. In-between being a free teenager and getting pregnant... Then between being pregnant and being a mom. Not to mention going from high school to hair school and now about to be out in the real world working! Oh and don't forget being in a care free relationship and it turning into planning a family then all of a sudden non-existent! That wasnt a shocker or anything haha. Anyway all of that happened in the past year and while it has been an extremely hard year I am glad THAT year is OVER!!! Yes I am still waiting on the new season to begin but I know it is coming soon, I can just feel it. While there are still hard days I know that God is there to help me through them all and catch any tears that I need to cry. So thankful to have the family that I have who teaches me responsibility and at the same time loves me even when I screw things up. Just remember you can never screw something up so bad that God can't bring you to the other side. Mercy is bigger than you (: please be encouraged! Limbo doesn't last forever... Just wait. You'll see!

Monday, July 18, 2011


Most people are scared to go there, but I'm not one of those. That place where nothing is hidden. Where your whole heart, mind, and soul are truthful and open. People these days do everything they can to hide what the truly feel. In the process of this we find ourselves lost and confused. We lose ourselves and our identities. God never intended for us to be this way. He wants us to be upfront and honest with Him. He doesn't hold your feelings, emotions, and thoughts against you. He wants to hear your heart. For so long I have kept quiet about things I have went through because of other people, but I won't do it any longer. I won't expose things that weren't meant to be exposed, but I also will not withhold advice to people who are going through so much of what I went through. I realize I am a 19 year old girl who really hasn't lived through a whole lot but I know that what I have lived through is meant to help other people.

For the person who has been or is being verbally abused:
No matter what your abuser told you, you ARE worth something. Yes, you can find another man. Yes, you are a BEAUTIFUL person created exactly how you were meant to. You look exactly like you were supposed to. You are intelligent...brilliant actually! You are NOT stupid and you are NOT those explicit words. You have true value. You are more than sexual pleasure. You are loved deeply and affectionately. Your soul is like a wildflower. You are not the problem, or the solution. Your abuser will not be fixed by you, and you are not responsible for the things they say or do to you. You can be free from this. You were meant to be told how special you are. You were meant to be held on to. First seek after the Lord in all of these things, and then one day you will be so satisfied in Him that you will feel whole again. This wholeness does not come from man, but it comes by the spirit. Your broken heart will be healed, I promise. I am living proof that each day it will get better. You will move on and not only will you move on but you will thrive and prosper. Not only in love but in your job, school, motherhood, friendship, music, writing, dancing, singing, blog writing, cooking, fishing, whatever it is that you do. You will succeed, and you will be amazing. Take the first step towards freedom today. RUN.

For the person who lost someone close to them due to evil on earth:
God did not take them from you. He would never do something that would hurt you, he can't. That murderer was under the influence of Satan, not God. This person is no longer here and it hurts. Be aware of your emotions and feel them. Feel them as hard as you can. Run to God and tell him of your pain and anger. Be verbal and honest. God will not be mad at you for being mad or upset. He wants to hear your heart and make it new again. He can and he WILL make it new again. Our God is bigger than any pain we could ever imagine. CRY your heart out to him. Get vulnerable and real. Tell him how unjust it was for this person to be taken away from you. You should always let him know that you don't agree with what happened and that you need serious help getting past it. Don't forget to tell him how weak it makes you feel to not be able to do a thing about your family hurting the way that they are. He understands the pain you feel when your friend or family member seems as if all they are is a story on the 10:00 news or newspaper. He thinks it's ridiculous that you have to keep a funeral private so reporters don't come. HE UNDERSTANDS YOUR EMOTIONS and he wants to put your heart back together. Do not take this out on God, take it out on who is truly responsible. Is God a murderer, or a giver of life? If your mad, curse Satan and praise God. God is putting his mighty healing hands on you right now, accept his help. Embrace it.

To the single mother:
I recently heard a song by Steven Curtis Chapman called "Do Everything" and it really hit home to me. He talks about picking up toys day after day, picking up socks, sweeping, with a baby on your hips. And we wonder, what does this amount to? He says it matters. We are called to do everything we do for the Glory of God. We were given the responsibility of our children. We are called to love them and raise them to love the Lord and love his people. When your sitting at home and feel lonely or feel worthless remember that you have been entrusted with one of His children! He puts so much value on you that he trusted you with his baby! And you are not alone. There are millions of other single moms around the world who are going through the same things. You may feel as if you will never find love, but you will. That man who truly cares about you more than himself, he is there. In this season just search yourself and search God. Find that security in Him and trust him like he has trusted you with your child. Turn on Joyce Meyer, and get encouraged. Read Proverbs 31 and know what God says about you. Listen to the song "Lead Me" by Sanctus Real and pray for that kind of man for you and your kid(s). You are amazing and you are doing an amazing job! Now get in the word, get in church, get into God and you will be joyful. Remember who made you and what he made you to do. Love will come. Not only for you but also for your kid(s).

Don't be shy if you need someone to talk to. I'm here.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Appointed by God

I never would have thought that out of all of this crazy mess I would have found a divine purpose. As I sit and think there is nothing more in me than wanting to help girls prevent being in my situation and to support the ones that already are. God places people around us so that we can build each other up and sooo many times we allow Satan to talk us into doing it alone. We don't have to do it alone to be "strong". Even more so I see a strong person when they are humble enough to ask for advice or help. Don't take your god-appointed relationships for granted, they are there for a reason. Don't be scared to embrace new ones either, you may be missing out on a word from God that he specifically gave that person to tell you.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

We've been deceived.

So as one of the MANY teen mothers out there, I think it's okay for me to write about this subject.

Lately, as you may have noticed, everyone is pregnant and having babies. The more people I see from my high school that are pregnant the more I wonder, what is going on? Honestly. I have thought and thought about this and the only thing I can come up with is we have been deceived.

I guess I should put a DISCLAIMER on this blog because some people might get offended so I will say that I am only speaking for myself.

I feel as though we have been painted a picture of love defined by sex, in more ways than one. Everything is advertised as "sexy", we are meant to be "sexy" and people will love us, in almost every movie and or TV show pre-marital sex is talked about as if it is just no big deal. Now let's get honest, SEX does have meaning, or at least it was meant to. Satan has taken it and perverted it in so many ways that we can hardly even tell what real love is anymore. In this world, sex=love and love=sex.

I am sick and tired of hearing all of the disgusting songs like S&M by Rihanna and well pretty much every song on the radio DEGRADING girls and placing them out there as if all they are worth is what they put out and how little clothes they wear. I want you guys to know (whoever even reads this) that you were created for a DIVINE purpose and your life has meaning. We don't have to dumb ourselves down to that "sexy" appearance for true love, and we do not have to put out. Now I know there are a lot of cases where people have sex just because they want to, I'm not stupid. But I also know there has to be some kind of explanation as to why teen pregnancy has SKY ROCKETED in the last 2 years. My conclusion is that: there are too many absent dads, not enough safe-sex education in schools (because let's be honest, people are still going to have sex), all of the media, press, magazines, TV shows, movies, and influence of people around you. And who is in charge of all this? Satan. Because the younger he can get us to think we are subjected to having sex, the younger he can get us pregnant, and the younger he can get us headed for a life of destruction, along with our babies. Think about it, seriously. Get pregnant at 18 (in my case), unmarried, in school, no job, living at home. What are the chances that my life could get seriously off track, quick? Very high. Luckily I was raised with enough self discipline that I followed through with school during my whole pregnancy and will be graduating soon, and I am so blessed to have the family that helps me. But IT WAS NOT EASY AND STILL IS NOT EASY. It caused a lot of problems in my life and my family and in my own mind as well. But because of all of this Elijah will not grow up with a normal family life, along with a whole bang load of other babies in the world. What Satan means for bad, I will allow God to make good. So with one last statement: SEX DOES NOT EQUAL LOVE. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, Proverbs 31:10-31

Sex is currency
She sells cars,
She sells magazines
Addictive bittersweet, clap your hands,
with the hopeless nicotine's
Everyone's a lost romantic,
Since our love became a kissing show
Everyone's a Casanova,
Come and pass me the mistletoe
Everyone's been scared to death of dying here alone
She is easier than love
Is easier than life
It's easier to fake and smile and bribe
It's easier to leave
It's easier to lie
It's harder to face ourselves at night
Feeling alone,
What have we done?
What is the monster we've become?
Where is my soul?
Sex is industry,
The CEO, of corporate policy
Skin-deep ministry,
Suburban youth, hail your so-called liberty
Every advertising antic,
Our banner waves with a neon glow
War and love become pedantic,
We wage love with a mistletoe
Everyone's been scared to death of dying here alone
She is easier than love
Is easier than life
It's easier to fake and smile and bribe
It's easier to leave
It's easier to lie
It's harder to face ourselves at night
Feeling alone,
What have we done?
What is the monster we've become?

Monday, July 4, 2011

From Crying It Out to Cradle Cap & Excema

WOW! Let me just write about this for all the moms I know that will have sleep problems with their babies!

Elijah was colicky when he was around 3 weeks old and would cry for 3 hours straight at night and everyone told me to switch his formula to soy and see if it helped, well it did. But he had grown accustomed to us walking him around swaying him bouncing him and every other single thing we could think of to soothe and calm him and so he assumed that's what had to be done for him to go to sleep. Even during the day he needed to be held to sleep and once you layed him down 5-15 minutes later he was right back awake and let me mention very unhappy! The night times were getting worse and worse every single night.. and the night that i only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep I was at the end of my rope.
First night of cry it out Elijah cried from 9:45 pm until 11:15 pm. Then he awoke shortly after that and cried from 3 am until 5:45 am (I was trying to wait until 6 but couldn't any longer). When I got him up that morning on 3 hours of sleep myself I thought "Dear God, I Hope This Works." Well miraculously Elijah went back to sleep around 7 after an hour of playtime and slept perfectly fine.. and he napped SO easily all of the rest of the day. I thought great hes going to be up all night now... But I was sooo wrong!
The second night he fussed from 9:20-9:34 pm and woke up at 5:00 and cried until 6:00 when i got him up! Napped great on his own during the day and was muuuuuch happier while he was awake and playing!
I put him down at 9:20 and he barely fussed at all for a few minutes and slept until 5:45 am (:

IF YOU HAVE SLEEPING PROBLEMS YOU MUST DO THIS! It hurts sooo bad the first night but it feels amazing when your baby accomplishes learning to sleep on his own! I am such a proud mom!

And thank you Mallory Evans, for all your tips!

When it comes to cradle cap & excema:
(some call it cradle CRAP haha) The only thing I have found that works is putting baby oil on Elijah's head first thing when he gets in the bath and washing it out at the end. It moisturizes his scalp and for some reason makes the flakes come right off! For the most part he is cradle cap crust free now! (: His excema cleared up a whole lot once I put mittens on his hands so he couldn't irritate it even more and put vaseline on it all throughout the day.. I think the mittens helped the most. We also started washing off his face without any soap, and used lukewarm water in this bath at night. He has aveeno baby wash with oatmeal in it and has a special aveeno excema lotion that we started using!