Growth.

It's funny to me when I think about growth and how it comes about in our lives. Really though, it's not much fun to grow. Some parts are entertaining and interesting but for the most part, actual growth can be quite painful.

A wise friend told me that in order for me to grow past my circumstances I needed to embrace all the pain I was feeling. Wow, not exactly what I wanted to hear. Until I started facing the fact that my heart was truly a mess all I was doing was being immobile. I wasn't being effective in any of my relationships with people, or God, or any area of my life. Everything was at a standstill. And while I look back on the last several months and realize just how shattered my heart was, I also realize that if I hadn't taken her advice I would be in a much worse off place.

My heart was this way because I had been letting man fill a spot that was meant to be God's since the beginning of time. When man let me down, I didn't know what to do and I didn't even really realize that was what my problem was. I let myself get into a deep emotional pit and see the condition of my heart and that was scary. There wasn't a whole lot of light left in that pit and nothing is more scary than being in a dark pit.

So on this journey I began to seek God and honestly just cry and cry to him. I told him about all of my emotions and all of my hurts and pains but I also started seeking to know what HE thought of me and HIS plans for my life. As I got in his word I was able to trust and rely on him more and more and honestly began to really let go of a lot of things that needed to be let go of. I still have to work on this every day but I can say that it gets so much easier if you just press through the very beginning. That is the hardest part.

My favorite part of this so far is just realizing how much I need him and really allowing him to be there for me. He never ever EVER fails me and it is such an awesome feeling to know I have a God who is literally ALWAYS perfect and always loving and looking out for me. Honestly, I don't need any man or human for my self worth or security anymore and that is such an amazing thing. I have gotten so much more freedom releasing my emotions and not relying on myself or my own thoughts and ideas to get me through the day. Jesus helps me with every single thing in my life because I allow him to. I love it.

-Bethany